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I feel like its my fault for Jealous dd's reactions.

(5 Posts)
xella Fri 14-Sep-07 15:46:44

Hi everyone, to begin, My almost 22mo old dd hasn't had much experience with other children at all. Most of my time is consumed in housework, or errands throughout the week, working around a disability that slows my physical activities down. So i don't get chance to take her anywhere to mix with other children. Before the summer (if thats what u call it) holidays, i started taking her to a play group, she wasn't too bad, had a few moments. The group started up again today, with the new term, so i was looking forward to taking her again, to help her socialize a little more. The first 20 minutes, she was fine. Then if any child came anywhere near her, or approached myself, she would start throwing a fit, screaming, throwing herself about, and even at one point, she sat on a chair and a little boy came and sat near her, and she screamed, attacked herself, and even ripped a bobble out of her hair. Not sure if it was the best words to say to her, but i kept telling her to stop being silly and jealous. The other bad thing is, before the term when i was taking her before, all the children were making Father's day cards, so they were using coloured pencils. My dd wasn't quite sure what to do with them at the time and she walked off with one, and come close to hurting another girls' eye. The mother of the child wasn't very pleased about this (i don't blame her, but it was a pure innocent accident, withing seconds of walking away from me) and she's been giving me funny looks ever since. Today made it worse. Her seeing my dd throw fits, one aimed at her friends' son who was just sitting beside my dd,) seemed to give her the comfirmation that i was unfit maybe. She didn't say anything, just the looks, the whispers to her friend, the attitude of her friend who hadn't even met me before, and the way i'd cop her glancing over, was enough. she is not a teenage mum just being bitchy, shes about 35-40. The thing is, i do feel awful. I'm not very chatty to people as it is, so half the time, i don't know where to put myself, so when your dd is playing merry hell, you feel like u have done something wrong or maybe not done something right. I feel like my dd's reaction to other people is my fault for not helping her socialize a little more. She has no children in the family she can mix with, or anyone in our area, so i feel like i've isolated her. I want to continue with the playgroup, but this woman makes me feel incompetent. Does anyone have any jealousy problems with their children and other people? if so, how did you get around it? Thanks for reading this VERY LONG post.

Ripeberry Fri 14-Sep-07 16:07:52

Hi,Sounds like a nightmare! I used to go to babygroups but found them quite stressfull as well, especially when my DD1 (she was 2yrs old at the time), used to create hell and not sit down for singing at circle time.
What i've found to be a godsend is a childminder.
I found with DD1, that if she was removed from myself and was somewhere "neutral" like the childminders house then she learnt to get along with other kids and became quite social.
It could also be that your DD has the dreaded terrible two's also.
My childminder looked after my DD1 for up to 5hrs on a Monday only (part-time), so it does not cost that much.
Sounds like she is trying to be independent but still wants other kids to know that your HER mum.
Hope this helps

Ripeberry Fri 14-Sep-07 16:09:46

P.S, and don't worry about the other Mums making eyes at you, they have a problem NOT you.

pampam Fri 14-Sep-07 16:16:14

Hi Xella, sorry you've had a bad time today.
The thing to remember about playgroups is that there will always be parents who you don't get one with/have much in common with but you will meet other parents who will be more welcoming and friendly.

Did you actually speak to the other mums? Everyone's children have difficulty sharing and socialising at some point there is a possibility that they might have been glancing over sympathetically and just as nervous in approaching you as you were with them. I find it hard to chat with other parents too but if you keep going it will get easier for you as you see more familiar faces.

If your dd was fine for the first 20 minutes maybe you could limit the time you spend there to 20/30minutes next week and gradually go for longer as she gets used to it. Children in this age group are pretty notorious for tantrums (it's not the terible 2s for nothing!) and i'm sure someone more experienced than me will be along to give you advice with dealing with them. Making sure your dd is not overtired and has eaten and drunk before playgroup will help. When she is having a tantrum i wouldn't tell her off but i would take her somewhere quiet until she calms down and is ready to rejoin the group, give her lots of reassurance by playing with her and the other children rather than watching.
I'm sure next week will be better for you and for her.

mylittlefreya Fri 14-Sep-07 19:25:49

It sounds like you are doing the very best you can in difficult circumstances. I am sorry that you are struggling through maintaining your home and now you are even beating yourself up for this.

Along with the idea of maybe a bit of time with a childminder, is there any way money could stretch to a bit of help with the house? So that you would feel more able to go to a variety of things with dd, and maybe find one you feel that you and she might be happier with. I only have an 8 month old - so I am going to let the other wiser ladies speak about your dd - I just wanted to say, make sure you look after you too.

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