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Behaviour/development

At what age do you think children know what they`Re doing, when they hurt another child?

2 replies

Sakura · 13/09/2007 01:41

The other thread got me thinking and I was just wondering what your thoughts were on this. I hear a lot that young children dont know what theyRe doing when they hurt another child. That they dont have the cognitive ability to understand that they can cause another pain, and that they are just a baby themselves. But what if your instincts just feel that the child has done something on purpose? I donT quite know how to explain what I mean, but one example is that I have a good friend whose daughter has just turned two. SheS always been a bit rough around my daughter (whos one this week). I brushed it aside but another mother mentioned to me in passing at the playgroup that this little girl seemed to be trying to hurt my DD i.e accidentally throwing things in her direction etc. I once saw the little girl take a glance around to check her mother wasnt looking before stamping on my daughters hand.
Usually I just remove my daughter and distract her with a toy. Two days ago I did actually shout (not loudly!) the girls name before she tried to fall on my DD i.e to collapse on top of her with all her weight. <br /> I know its a sibling rivalry kind of thing because I spend a lot of time with her mum, and I <span class="italic">know</span> its her age, but I <span class="italic">do</span> get the feeling that shes intentionally trying to hurt my DD.
So, I suppose Im just wondering, what do <span class="italic">you</span> think. If shes not doing it intentionally, how to explain the sneakiness when she`S about to hurt DD?

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amIgoodenough · 13/09/2007 01:53

to a two year old the consequence of this behaviour is that they get a reaction from the child they hurt and from adults as well, so it is purposeful in that they want to get a reaction but they don't necessarily have the ability to see how the other child feels as a result so they are not purposefully hurting the child if you see what I mean.

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mamama · 13/09/2007 02:30

I think some 2 yr olds do know that they are hurting someone. They continue the behaviour because they get a reaction but I really believe that they do know it isn't nice and that it hurts and for some reason, they take great delight in hurting someone.

I find it hard to watch a 2 yr old deliberately inflict pain on someone else. I try to reason "he doesn't understand" etc but I honestly think that in my case, the 2 year old knows exactly what he is doing - he is very calculating and sneaky about it.

I think it is also a sibling rivalry kind of thing, I know it is a phase and that it will stop but still, it's not a pleasant thing to see...

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