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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Behaviour/development

Why does my child say this?!

16 replies

Bluebell121 · 20/02/2020 19:10

Hey everyone , need some advice here!

So my little girl is 2 nearly 3! And she is super bright I'm so proud of her seriously!
She's a very big speaker and literally comes up with the most amazing stories , basically what I'm worried about is she said to me today as I told her she wasn't allowed to smack her little brother I said no please don't do that it is not ok to hit! I didn't shout at all but did have a serious voice so she new it's not ok to hit , but as I said that she started crying she fights with her 1 year old brother everyday all day constantly screaming and fighting so stressful 😂 when she started crying she said "you scared me mummy" I instantly felt upset! I don't even no why she said that I never shout or scold her ( wouldn't dream of it) when she misbehaves we have a little chat in a quiet room and discuss why MUMMYS abit upset with her behaviour today and it goes from that she goes and plays fine again, that has really thrown me and I don't understand why she's said it, I wouldn't want her saying that too anyone else they could take that seriously! I've never gave her a reason to be scared of me she's very loving with me and has never come out with anything like that before? 😩😔

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JiltedJohnsJulie · 20/02/2020 21:36

Sounds like she just doesn’t like being told off. I wouldn’t worry about it, seriously.

If she’s smacking her little brother, this needs sorting out and quickly. I would say at her age she’s too young to understand little chats. Have you tried anything like the “No Cry Discipline Solution”?

Bluebell121 · 20/02/2020 22:57

She does this to her brother as he rags her hair and hurts her a lot the really do fight quite badly , she's very smart she can have full conversations was even moved up to a older year group in nursery , she understands everything I say as I take away the best thing she loves if she doesn't behave then when she shows me she can behave she gets it back and normally that works but it really did upset me when she said she was scared as I haven't done anything to make her feel like that and it will be assessed most proberly at school if she says anything like that! X

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Bluebell121 · 20/02/2020 22:59

I try occupy them as much a so can so they don't fight we baked today and what did they do? Fight! Flour everywhere 😭

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JiltedJohnsJulie · 20/02/2020 23:28

it really did upset me when she said she was scared as I haven't done anything to make her feel like that and it will be assessed most proberly at school if she says anything like that

What do you mean Bluebell? I’m not sure who would be assessing you or your DD if she just got a bit scared of a stern voice?

If she’s very advanced verbally and really sensitive to changes in your tone of voice, it might be worth seeing how she scores on the m-chat test, just to rule it out

Bluebell121 · 20/02/2020 23:52

Oh never heard of the chat test thankyou I'll give it a try! And that's what I mean I literally just talk to her in a stern voice when she's misbehaving there's not shouting or raising of voice etc , but if she ever said to school " I'm scared of mummy" what the hell are they going to think x

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Bluebell121 · 20/02/2020 23:53

Oh sorry o didn't word that right I ment I would be pulled aside and asked why she's scared of me most probably

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Bluebell121 · 20/02/2020 23:56

I just tried the m-chat unfortunately it asked for your state while signing up , I am from England and it doesn't have england uk 😭

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corythatwas · 21/02/2020 09:23

I wouldn't worry in the least about this. She won't be going to school until she is a good deal older, and children do change a lot.
Also, school will be used to small children and will have been told before that my daddy is bigger and scarier than anybody in the world and my mummy gives me marshmallows for lunch every day and my cousins got eaten by lions.

What will be unsettling for her however is if you show her that she can frighten you by her reactions. That is too much responsibility for a little girl. What you do sounds absolutely fine, and if you're calm and move on, she will get used to it.

Dh and I actually were investigated by Social Services when dd was little (long story to do with undiagnosed disability, not a few random words spoken at school), and she was interviewed by psychiatrists without us being present to see if we were causing her health issues by abusing her in any way. It did not stop us from telling her off when she hurt her little brother or misbehaved in any way. That was still a responsibility we had as parents and we got on with it.

JiltedJohnsJulie · 21/02/2020 09:33

Not sure what that m-chat link was asking for your State. Have a look at it here. I’ve just been through it on this link and it definitely doesn’t ask for any personal information on this site. You just answer the questions and get a score with some comments on whether your child is at risk of ASD or not.

Bluebell121 · 21/02/2020 10:02

@corythatwas
Hi I do still tell her about misbehaving as she doesn't listen one bit but hey ho that's little girls for you lol!, I was just worried if she says that's nursery I don't want them getting the wrong idea becuase if she doesn't want to do something she will say she's scared of it , e.g she has said she's scared of her food because she doesn't want to eat it , but it's not like you can say that to a teacher " oh she says she's scared about everything" because there's genuinely children that are scared of there parents for reasons and that's not the case here as I don't no why she's doing this?

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Bluebell121 · 21/02/2020 10:03

@JiltedJohnsJulie when I went on it it said I needed to make an account asked my child's name and D.o.b and state I was in

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JiltedJohnsJulie · 21/02/2020 10:35

Did the second link work?

AladdinMum · 21/02/2020 10:51

Could it be possible that she is using these words (or similar) as a strategy so that you back down? i.e. you go from a serious face to a more sympathetic face as soon as she says those words - if so, and as she is bright, she could have started to see how effective some phrases are in order to 'control you' and deflect from the 'her being told off' situation?

Bluebell121 · 21/02/2020 11:13

@AladdinMum that Could be true! Sounds about right for my girl she is super bright! , ide be mortified if she said that infront of my family or friends nevermind school ide be so upset if anyone thought she was been serious , is this a phase of some sort? What can I do to stop her saying it?

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AladdinMum · 21/02/2020 11:25

If it's a strategy she will only stop using once it becomes ineffective, i.e. if you are being serious then you need to stick to it, i.e. you can say something like "no, mummy is not being scary, she is being serious, it's a serious matter, you cannot hit your baby brother," so not change your mood or behavior when she says these things and follow through as you would.

Bluebell121 · 21/02/2020 13:46

Right got it! Im going to try that one! Thank you very much I sound so inexperienced but I just don't want her to feel like that when I'm only been stern not shouting or anything , just wanted to see other people's strategies and if they have been through it before x

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