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What are the chances

(3 Posts)
Notsodomesticgoddess1 Mon 17-Feb-20 18:45:46

I’m deeply sorry if I offend anyone as it’s the last thing I want but these thoughts are absolutely eating me up since I met dp. Tbh I don’t really know what I’m asking because despite the constant thoughts I’m quite ignorant on the subject as I cannot find much information.

I would love to have more children in future and have discussed it together however, dp had a sister with severe autism as well as multiple seizures daily which resulted in brain damage. What I’m wondering is, is it genetic? What are the chances of passing it down to future offspring ? I would hate to have to go through that ordeal as I’m sure it’s heartbreaking for everyone involved.

I have a child already that I had when I was very young which I don’t mind because I know I’ll get to enjoy life without people needing me as much as my children but if I were to have a child with a severe disability I would never get that opportunity.

I also see mumsnetters with threads talking about how they resent their disabled child and I can only predict I would feel the same which is so so awful. Again I’m so sorry if I sounded so insensitive

OP’s posts: |
AladdinMum Tue 18-Feb-20 10:15:24

No one can tell the future, a large number of autism cases tend to be genetic but quite equally many other cases have no genetic link (they are random). If that is your attitude towards having a child with special needs or you think you would resent them then I would suggest not have any more children so to spare yourself from that possibility.

Jannt86 Tue 18-Feb-20 12:25:00

It's impossible to say from your description and would depend entirely on what the underlying condition affecting dp's sister was. She could've sustained a brain injury at birth/later for example in which case there's absolutely no increased risk for any of your children. She could also have temporal lobe epilepsy as another example which has a strong genetic component. If it's a concern then your best course of action is to try and find out exactly what the underlying condition affecting this family member is and then seek genetic counselling if appropriate. If you don't mind me saying then this is quite a tentative link to be making. Is it truly this that concerns you or are you perhaps more concerned in general with what the effect of having another child might be? Nobody can guarantee that when you have a child they will be completely healthy and devoid of any challenges. In fact almost all children will present with some sort of challenge at some point. If you're not fully prepared to embrace these challenges then you should perhaps be having a good think about whether you're ready to be a parent again. Finding out more about dp's sister will help assess the RISK of having a child with complications but will never definitively rule anything in or out. There's a whole host of reasons that this relative could've had these health issues all which will have varying degrees of genetic links ranging from strong to none at all. Find out a bit more about that first but also do a good deal of soul searching woth DP and figure out what exactly is concerning you here xx

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