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Behaviour/development

Clingy 20m old

3 replies

MeadowHay · 15/02/2020 21:31

DD is 20m and has always been shy, and 'clingy' to me and DH. She has a good bond with both of us and if we were both around, she would usually have a slight preference for DH over me.

About 3 months ago she suddenly developed an intense preferance for me over DH. If I'm out, she is absolutely fine with him. But if I am in, she HAS to be with me. She never stays in one room when playing and she needs to be with her by her side at every given moment. Otherwise she yells and cries etc. I can't tell if it's genuinely distress or just cos she's not getting her own way. She cries and shouts no and bats DH away if he tries to come near her/hold her when I'm around.

Is this just a phase that they go through? Am I best off doing what she needs to feel secure ie stay with her wherever possible) or better off teaching her sometimes she can't always be with me etc? E.g. atm DH is doing almost all the cooking because if I go in the kitchen and cook tea she screams and bangs on the door for 20+ minutes.

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Kle209 · 16/02/2020 06:09

My DS went through that stage at about that age. Sounds exactly the same where if I wasn’t there he’d be fine, but if I was then he’d only want to be with me.

I’m not sure that there’s a right or wrong way to deal with it - I’m sure that there are some times you are going to have to leave her with your DH (to shower etc) whilst you’re both there and so it’s a case of trying to distract her in those circumstances and riding out this phase.

I don’t remember exactly when the phase ended but my DS is 24m now and doesn’t cry every time I leave the room any more! I think it helps as their understanding improves because he understands when I say I’m coming back etc. Try to enjoy being favourite whilst you can (even though I know it’s so hard feeling like you can’t leave your child)!

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ReallyLilyReally · 16/02/2020 12:19

This might be a stupid question, but can't you just leave the kitchen door open and have her in with you while you cook?

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MeadowHay · 16/02/2020 19:59

I don't feel I can do that safely as our kitchen is really small. The floor space is essentially just a small square and the oven is at her height with the hob on top. She would be under my feet/touching the oven/messing with the bins without me being able to properly watch her so don't think it is safe.