BF has a 9 yo ds and Ex is addicted to Pain Killers

(4 Posts)
mummytippy Sat 01-Feb-20 11:55:39

I’ve just found out that my bf’s ds’s mother is addicted to pain killers and last weekend when she had contact she spent the majority of it ‘spaced out’. My bf said this isn’t the first time as on previous occasions when he’s returned his ds, he’s not been able to get her to answer the door. He’s had a serious chat with the Maternal GM and had arranged to work contact between him and her but then discovered his ds spent another night with his mother. It’s really worrying as the ds is 9 and knows it’s the tablets that make his mum sleepy and he’s worrying about her. Children’s services have been involved in the past too. My bf has a telephone appt with the child’s Dr this week (who is also the mothers GP). Hoping to plan a constructive way forward. Until this has happened I have slowed the relationship with my bf right down as I’ve told him this matter needs his full attention and he needs to spend as much one to one time with his ds without me and my ds in the mix. Having a child myself, I cannot afford for this situation to impact on him and also not wanting to seem selfish, I’m worried my bf’s ds may get attached to me while currently I don’t know what’s going to happen with my relationship with my bf long term as we’ve only been dating 4 months. In 2013 my ex took me to family court which took 2 years to sort out leaving both me and my ds emotionally and physically drained so sadly I can’t fight someone else’s fight. Any advice on how this should be tackled most welcome.

OP’s posts: |
Jannt86 Sat 01-Feb-20 12:23:18

With respect I don't really think it's your battle to fight. The only thing I would be making sure of is that SS are aware of what you're reporting as this sounds like a harmful and just plain dangerous environment for this child to be being raised in. It's really up to your partner to do the rest though and step up and do what's right by his child. No good will come of you interfering in this, certainly not in the child's eyes. You've not been going out with this man long at all and aren't massively sure where things are heading yet from the looks of your previous post so I really don't think it's your issue to be sorting. It's up to your partner to do this. I don't really see what the GP is going to do btw. They might be able to provide some emotional support for dad, child and mum and may even make a ss referral themselves if concerned but they won't be able to involve you in mum's care without her consent or share any info about her and they're NOT family support workers. They can't decide what is best in that respect for this child. I think you're well within your rights (and duty bound!) to report to ss if you're concerned about this child's wellbeing but other than that I think stepping back is a good idea, at least from involvement with this child xx

mummytippy Sat 01-Feb-20 14:33:28

Thank you Jannt86

I value your in depth comment and appreciate you reading my other posts to form a solid view point.
I agree it’s not my battle to fight and I’ve told my bf that I’m going to have to step back as each of our ds come first to us. I think he’s hoping the GP will be able to do something as he is the one prescribing the mothers meds. I am going to ask my bf to contact children’s services as I don’t want to be involved. I’m going to stress that they need to know. It’s really sad and I feel terrible having to step back from my bf when he needs a shoulder but I just can’t get involved.

OP’s posts: |
mummytippy Mon 03-Feb-20 22:36:40

Bf says he doesn’t want to involve outside agencies again as the ds’s mother (his ex) is trying to come off the painkillers. He said he’s messaged her his concerns and he’ll support her. I’ve wished him well as in 9 years nothing has changed. It’s not my call but I do think he’s making a mistake as I think she needs professional help.

OP’s posts: |

Join the discussion

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet

Already have a Mumsnet account? Log in