Parents responsibility till they are in the classroom?

[embarrasing]

Son has behaviour problems, school are fully aware as ive asked for support and he constantly disrupts the class on a daily basis.
He often refuses to go into school, so is late, this is nothing new, and as long as he does go in eventually even if 5/10 mins late then that's that. But today, he got to the classroom, so was on the school premises, just outside his class, doors close at a certain time and are locked, he refused to go in. Nothing I could say or do was working, his TA tried, said she would see what the teacher said.. came back and just said "it's your responsibility to get him into class not ours, I have to lock the door now." And did! Ok, I get that he's my responsibility obviously but I felt quite unsupported. I convinced him to go round to the main entrance with me, he did so I explained the situation and they tried to get him to go to class but he refused. He just wouldn't move or let me go. They called someone else down, and he started kicking and punching and thrashing himself about, again this is nothing new.

So, she restrained him. She got his arms and held him and told me to just go. So I did. I left. Feeling bloody awful. I saw another mum in town after and she had just come from there and said he was still kicking off in the main reception 😩. I left it a while and rang school and they said he had calmed down now and not to worry.


Is this the correct way to deal with it? From the schools point of view? I'm struggling with him, they know that. Whatever issues he has going on (school mentioned adhd) it's getting harder to get him into school. Just want an outsider view on the situation? Im suppose to be starting a new job soon but how can I do that if I'm going to be late constantly? So stressed 😩

[AladdinMum]

I would have imagine that it would be quite difficult to support him properly until you get to the root cause of these behavioral problems - they do sound quite extreme (if he needs to be restrained) so potentially there could be a neurological underlying issue. Has he been seen by specialists? is he being assessed?

[embarrasing]

No, I took him to the gp he said there's nothing wrong with him, school said they can't refer him to be assessed needs to be gp. I'm going to try again. But there isn't much support to be fair, all the professionals blame me. I have other kids at that school and they don't act like him, I parent them the same so don't see how it's me making him behave this way 😩.

[AladdinMum]

How old is he? if you ask him, what are his reasons for not wanting to go to school? is he doing well academically? or finding it a struggle? is the school's SENCO involved with him? I was under the impression that SENCO could raise concerns (or offer support when approaching a GP)

[tempnamechange98765]

Sorry OP that sounds really tough.

Are you happy with how supportive the school is with your other children? It doesn't sound like a very supportive school, so it might be worth looking round at others while you're waiting for your son to be seen.

[ReallyLilyReally]

Seeing as the GP doesnt think he warrants a diagnosis of any form of behavioural/social/processing disorder, it sounds like this could be anger issues or a trauma response or similar. I'd look into getting a therapist or psychiatrist, and I'd pay privately if you can, as this seems pretty emergent tbh.

[L133]

I'm a primary SENCO and in my area we can't refer for diagnosis, it has to be the GP. We do have a variety of specialist services that we can request support from for school but this varies council to council.

That said, it doesn't sound like your school are doing anywhere near enough. We would be organising someone to meet him and have a morning activity that he is looking forward to so he starts his day positively. If that didn't work we would keep trying different strategies. Feel free to message me.

If they are restraining him, which if he is a risk to his self or others, they are allowed to do, they should be appropriatly trained (although again legally they don't have to be this is best practice).