I've been seeing a guy for about 3 months. He has a 9 yo ds and I have a 13 yo ds. My ds goes to his father EOW, My BFs ds does not have a set pattern of contact and he decides where he wants to stay from one day to the next. So therefore he's had him the last 2 weekends and isn't sure of this next one. My BF has said there were bonding difficulties between his ds and his mother as he was born prematurely as she contracted flu and was put in an induced coma. Sounded dreadful for all involved. Basically if his ds isn't with his father (my BF), he is with his mother's mum (Maternal GM). The dc clearly loves his mother but is hardly there. The GM takes him to and from school (unless he's at my BFs), washes and irons his uniform etc too. I'm worried about the affect of this on the dc. I also feel the more my BF does, the more the mother is 'stepping back'. The mother lives about 12 miles away (35 mins drive) from my BF and the GM same, being about 2 mins from the mothers house. I'm worried the dc has no routine apart from school and a club he attends on a Monday which my BF takes him to.
On Sunday me, my ds my BF and his ds went for lunch, a walk and then back to mine for dessert... and then at about 7pm when I expected he'd be taking his ds home (as a school night), he wasn't as his ds had decided to stay with his dad overnight. On my BFs part, he also presumed it would be okay to stay at my house (his ds has to sleep on the sofa) but I made it clear I did not think this was fair on his ds... especially on a school night. I said he needed to be in his own bed (at my BFs house in his bedroom there). I feel like I'm speaking out of turn to my BF and I've said this to him. He's said he appreciates my input as doesn't know what to do. The mother doesn't seem to care where her child is. I've suggested he speak to the GM and try to sort a more rigid routine going forwards... as only to a point do I think a child should say when and where they stay... and not what they feel like on the day... it's like 'musical beds'... and with school etc I don't think the dc appreciates the importance of this. Any advice most appreciated as this arrangement or 'non arrangement' as it's so day-by-day it's impacting on me and my ds too. Thanks in advance.
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Behaviour/development
What is an Ideal Healthy Balance of Contact between Parents? - (9 yo)
6 replies
mummytippy · 21/01/2020 13:44
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