Hey people.
After some advice please. I’d like to start by saying my MIL has my little boy whilst I work one day a week. She’s great and helps us by having him which I really appreciate. She couldn’t wait for a grandchild and I feel that no matter what I do or how much she sees him, it’s never enough.
Since he was born, she has always been quite overbearing (staying for hours on end or commenting on things, also calls him HER BABY) She often uses situations to her advantage putting her needs to see him first. She is overly excitable around him (majorly!) and we are trying to create a call (but fun) upbringing. She used to sing and bang on the table when he’s eating as an example which made him do the same, when mentioning this in the past she’s made sarcastic and quite hurtful comments to me (which I haven’t appreciated). It’s all become a bit much and despite speaking to her nicely about how I feel some things have not changed.
The reason I’m asking for advice is because my little boy is usually fine when people leave the house (including me and my husband) or when we go home from friends/relatives. BUT over the past few weeks if we leave my in laws or they leave mine (or even when my MIL puts the phone down after speaking to my son) he was a melt down. Or he follows her to the toilet and bangs on the door crying nanny!!!! He throws himself on the floor and cries. This isn’t a ‘phase’ as he doesn’t do this with anyone else. My gut tells me that where she is so over the top and excitable this is having an effect on him. I don’t know what to do? Say something or not? I don’t want to upset or cause any hard feelings but I’m not prepared for other behaviour to have this impact. Any advice is appreciated.
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Behaviour/development
Mother in law
Mum2018G · 20/01/2020 20:53
@Jannt86 I agree that a child can never have too much love and I am sorry that your situation leaves you with little childcare. BUT, it still doesn’t take away the fact that my child behaviour is being negatively impacted. I agree with having fun and being silly sometimes that’s what grandparents are for, but if you could see the behaviour it’s worse than Mr Tumbles!! It’s extremely excitable and the way it’s influencing my little boy isn’t how I want him to be. So it comes down to whether I say nothing and let this continue for a quiet life, or say something and risk upsetting my MIL and losing the help that I really do appreciate. As I said in my OP I really am grateful for the support we have and I get on well with her aside from the way she is around my little boy. 
I'm sorry. I really can understand the frustration. I myself have had to reign my own dad when he's force feeding my child Tango and cake 
However I'm pretty shocked at the number of people saying 'make alternative arrangements' as if to say just dump the MIL. This is a grandparent who's probably formed quite a strong and reciprocal attachment with this child and who is willingly giving up a good chunk of their week to help you parent your child. And some of the complaints being made by you and other posters sound justified but others honestly just sound to me like normal, healthy play with a baby. Grandparents are usually the first people children will go to to feel safe if their own parents can't provide that and can often provide an invaluable source of attachment and guidance. You obviously don't want this to be at the expense of your own bond with your child but as the saying goes it 'takes a village'. Address the issues as you feel fit but I stand by my original advice. Tread carefully. Think how you'd feel if you'd given up so much of your spare time to care for a baby and then suddenly got told you're no longer allowed to look after them. If it must come to that then please try and be sensitive aboit it or you risk severing the relationship. Good luck whatever you decide xx
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