Struggling to keep 3 year old safe.

[Donkeykong2019]

5 year old DD has attachment disorder, ptsd, the works and is increasingly aggressive. It always typically has been directed at me with some aggression to 3 year old DS. DS has recently started backing down and trying to appease his sister so now her focus has shifted primarily to him. Using the word to describe the action rather than the child but it's absolutely vicious. Biting, hitting, headbutting. Very very little provocation and often the provocation didn't even actually happen.

My go to way of dealing with it would to keep them seperate but there is only one of me and this is proving really challenging. Partially because ds loves his sister and doesn't understand. Partly because her issues means really she needs time in rather than to be isolated but I can't do that with 3 year old who also needs the attention for having been hurt.

I don't know How to go about it?

[Jannt86]

Don't have much experience dealing with this kindof thing but didn't want you to have no replies to such a serious issue. If you're genuinely concerned for your son's safety then this is quite alarming when your daughter is so young. It sounds like you need some professional help for her tbh. Are they adopted? I ask because you refer to attachment disorder. If so I'd be urgently seeking help from post adoption support. If not I'd be going to your GP and school nurse. However don't expect any kindof support to be rapid. CAMHs especially are so oversubscribed that you may struggle to even get seen by them. Please go early though and make your concerns very explicit. You may have already as well but have a look at therapeutic parenting resources, books and youtube vids. They may be useful for interventions you can put in place. A book called starving the anger gremlin and mindful monsters might also be useful. You're right that your principal concern is keeping your son safe but the best thing to do is probably talk to your daughter afterwards about her 'big feelings' and make it clear that it's not ok, try and make a bit of sense of her behaviour and come up with strategies to help her stay calm. Good luck. It doesn't sound like an easy situation for you at all x

[crazychemist]

Do you have specialists involved? This sounds like a very complicated situation, I think you need a professional opinion on this one.

[Donkeykong2019]

We are trying to get specialists involved but nothing is easy to access and even the stuff you can access is slow.

She's not adopted but a child of domestic violence. GP can't do anything. Cahms won't touch her because of the developmental implications it's had so they say it is peads. Peads limited in resources.

[crazychemist]

I’m sorry, that sounds really tough. I was going to suggest CAHMS, but you’ve already tried them. Is there any chance you can afford private counselling for DD? Even just a few sessions might be really helpful. Do you have any family you could ask to pitch in for that?

In the meantime, do you have family/friends you can call on for support? Anyone that can look after 1 while you have focussed quality time with the other?