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The incredible slowness of doing

(4 Posts)
OrmIrian Tue 28-Aug-07 15:51:03

DD has started this really weird (and annoying) practice of doing what she's told very very slowly. When she's exhausted arguing that is. This slowness seems to be DD's way out - ie she does what she's told but at her own pace ie very very slowly. As if she's trying to save face for herself. It seems to be coupled with the fact that DH is shouting at the children a lot recently and on a short fuse generally - and this slowness makes his even more cross.

I think he should back off - leave her some room to manouevre. He didn't on Saturday night and it ended up with DD crying hysterically, accusing DH of thumping her (which he didn't !). DH has this attitude that the children should do what they are told in 'his time' ie when he wants them to, not it theirs. We had words afterwards! But he still thinks he was right and she was just being awkward.

Has anyone experienced this? Am I right in thinking that her being slow is just her way of evening things out? She's a middle child so perhaps I make too many excuses for her.

Lazycow Tue 28-Aug-07 16:03:13

I think you are right and she is doing this to save face. It is definitely behaviour I'd ignore and let her got on with it. She is after all doing as she is asked (eventually even if it is after a battle) and I would imagine it is impossible to get her to do things more quickly without it escalating into an unwinable battle.

Maybe you just neeed to plan ahead a bit (until this phase passes) and ask her to do things earlier than you would normally so that by the time she agrees to do it and has done it REALLY SLOWLY, you aren't too behind with things.

If your dh is getting cross a lot lately this is probably behaviour to see how much more cross she can make him. I'd say it's all about testing his reaction. The more he shouts the worse she will get. I know this from bitter experience from my tendency to shout at ds. The more I do this the worse his behaviour gets. It is really worth backing off a bit and allowing her to save face a bit. If she is doing what she is asked to then try and ignore the slowness whenever possible.

Your dh is right in a way, she is being awkward but she is the child and he is the adult so he needs to see that some of his demands (i.e expecting her to do something immediately he asked her to all the time) are unreasonable.

Lazycow Tue 28-Aug-07 16:04:32

Actually I find myself lol at your dd's inventiveness in rebellious behaviour. It shows spirit and ingenuity IMO, though I appreciate you and you dh may not see it like that at the moment.

NannyL Tue 28-Aug-07 16:06:46

i have a little 4 year old who can do thinsg really slowly as well and its SOOO annoying...

either he is ignored and he gets on doing waht he is doing slowly, like for example, tidying a puzzel away.... do i really care is he put 1 piece at a time extreamly slowly into a box? (not really)

If im asking him to comply and do something, then he has a warning and is told "Im asking you to do X, so i would like you to eitehr do it nicely OR you can go and sit on the the step, what would you like to do?" he mainly then chooses to do it nicely but if not he can sit on the step for X minutes until he can do as i ask 'normally'. He then has to say sorry for being silly!

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