Thinking about abortion

(12 Posts)
POLO21 Sat 04-Jan-20 15:39:49

Hey lovely mums
I am nearly 6 weeks pregnant and stressed as hell on what to do with my baby
I am not married and my baby daddy wants the baby but we are not married and cant marry now due to personal reasons
I haven't told my family and If I do they will be so disappointed and they will even disown me
I love my baby and I dont want to lose it but I cant loose my family either.
Please give me some advice please.

OP’s posts: |
Yazeee Sat 04-Jan-20 16:34:03

This is sad sad why would your family disown you? For religious reasons? It's a very hard situation.. You'll regret it for the rest of your life if you do have an abortion. If the baby's dad wants the child too just get married and have the child no matter what. Your baby is more important than the rest of your family. They should respect and support you.

crazychemist Sat 04-Jan-20 16:41:48

Advice would require a bit more detail on your circumstances e.g. is the disapproval of your family going to be a big problem for you? Do you live with them? Are you dependent on them? Are you certain that they will disown you?
Is the father in a position to be supportive? Marriage obviously gives the most protection, but is he in a position to give emotional or financial support?

Sorry that you’re in such a sad position.

POLO21 Sat 04-Jan-20 16:41:49

My dear yes, for religious purpose
They really will
And I cant marry him now cuz of some real issues
Please give me advice on what to do please

OP’s posts: |
POLO21 Sat 04-Jan-20 16:44:01

@crazychemist
Yes dear I do live with them and I do depend on them
But baby daddy can give me financial support
And yes it is a huge problem a very huge one and I'm not exaggerating and they will certainly disown me

OP’s posts: |
crazychemist Sat 04-Jan-20 16:47:59

Oh OP, that sounds difficult.
Do your family know about the relationship at all? Is it the fact that you are pregnant out of wedlock that is the problem, or who the father is?
So the father can give you financial support. To what extend have you discussed this with him? You would need to have a proper formal arrangement in place for your sake/the sake of your child. I assume if you continue with the pregnancy you would need to move in with this man?

POLO21 Sat 04-Jan-20 17:00:29

@crazycehmist
They dont know my relationship with him and I just gave my mother a hint by saying he wants to marry me and she told me to get that out of my head
I am the only child and I dont want to disgrace my family and have a baby out of wedlock and I dont want to lose my little precious baby
I dont know what to do,😔

OP’s posts: |
Yazeee Sat 04-Jan-20 20:32:36

Either way you're not going to be happy! You could have an abortion and be regretful for the rest of your life or you could keep the baby and maybe lose your family for a while which will make you sad but not as sad as you would be if you had an abortion! Your family will eventually forgive you.. As long as you get married. Also don't tell them you're pregnant. Get married and then tell them that you're pregnant. That way they'll think you fell pregnant after getting married which won't be as bad for them. But you'll need to get married as soon as possible for that.

crazychemist Sat 04-Jan-20 22:01:46

Can you keep your baby without your family or the father? Or are you certain that he can support you - financially, with a home etc? If not, I can’t see an easy way forward for you.

Michellegb Sat 04-Jan-20 23:48:49

My heart goes out to you! Such a complex and troubling situation. I wish I could help you in some way, but, You are right in not wanting to lose your baby, it deserves a right to live, even if it's hard. Abortionists make it all look so simple and easy, but they don't show the guilt and difficulty it is to live with that deed behind your back. I've heard countless testimonials. There are other options other than abortion, such as adoption. Your family may be hurt for a time but it will heal, take strength! And don't forget that sometimes it all seems to be darker than it actually is.

Jossina Mon 06-Jan-20 03:38:44

Don't bring a helpless child into a situation like that. Right now it's just an embryo. Abort it while you can.

CatWithKittens Mon 06-Jan-20 10:31:14

I have to say that I fear that this is far too complex a decision to be made on the advice of those on Mumsnet. Is there nobody to whom you could talk in confidence, whose judgement you trust and who starts with the advantage of knowing something of the people involved and the background? A former teacher, a priest or equivalent, a doctor, nurse, older sibling or aunt or cousin? How about the father's family? Do they know about the relationship or the baby? Would they be supportive? How important is your relationship with the father? Would it survive an abortion if he wants the baby? Can you imagine life without him? Whilst Jossina might have a point in scientific theory most of us who have had babies have, fortunately, never felt like that about our babies and those of us who have lost one through miscarriage or still-birth know how wrong she feels to be. You obviously realise how life changing this decision could be, not only for your baby but for you and all around you and I do urge you to seek some really well informed advice from those who know more about the situation and to whom you can explain everything. Social media may be good for some things but even Mumsnet really is not suitable for dealing with issues as complicated and deeply personal as this. As you have seen you will get a range of answers which are founded in people's pre-existing attitudes and beliefs, just as mine is, but nobody here can know enough about you and your situation to give real and meaningful help. In the meantime I can only extend you my sympathy and concern and wish you good advice and a workable solution.

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