Red flags in a 5 month.

[Tilly09]

Hi all. My lg is 5 and half month. . .
My main main concern of her is eye contact. She has very limited eye contact with anyone. It upsets me that it’s not with me which could of been because of a bond but it’s with most people too. She can follow us as a family if Dad goes upstairs she’ll follow his direction. She will watch people in a new environment but not their eyes. She’s never once looked up at me to get my attention. The only people she’s ever looked up at is her sister (3) and cousin (5).
Which I thought was because of head control but it is fine as we were in a restaurant and she soon looked up at the spinning fab... I’m finding it difficult to interact with her , I sing songs, read books, play tummy time, do this little piggy on her toes etc but she’s just not interested.
She occasionally has a social smile back but it depends who for. And only laughs if been tickled or there’s movement involved eg her sister jumping on the bed. She is breastfed and never looks at me while feeding. The rare time I’m out and she has a bottle of breast milk with dad or grandma she doesn’t look at them either. I can’t lay back and sit her leaning on my knees and chat with her. I can’t have her in my arms or on my knee for interaction as she’s just not interested. She’s very ‘passive’ and really only makes a fuss when she wants feeding, in the car seat or when she’s put down in her cot.
I am starting baby led weaning in 2 weeks and dreading that there’s not going to be any interaction .. when I say interaction I mean you give a baby the soft food, they explore it put it in their mouth, they look at you , they let you know if they dislike or like , they get excited etc all to do with eye contact.
It feels totally different to my first child which I know not every child’s the same. I’m just so hung up on the eye contact. If that’s her personality that’s fine but the eye contact again ...
Has anyone had anything similar? I have severe anxiety from trauma last year and a degree in child development so mixing them two together doesn’t really help.
For anyone who says it’s too early to say anything , in some cases it’s not I personally think. . The US do early intervention and have research to back this up..
I just don’t know what to think please share your journey and don’t run away from
This post X

[mishimab]

I have no experience, except i am in the same boat. My 5 month DD is exactly same. She totally avoids eye contact when held. She is very passive and observes her hand at extensive period and when she stares at ceiling or wallpaper, it is impossible to distract her. It is driving me crazy and I have been even looking for early interventions!! Would like to hear others' opinion.

[Tilly09]

My lo observes her hands a lot too especially whilst been nursed. Also she stares at the wallpaper rather than me. I think we are in the same boat. I have messaged you x

[PlutoAjder]

I think you don't know what the average child behaviour is at that age. And if you did, it's not even that useful because you're both comparing your unique daughters to an average, a norm.

It's like you've randomly decided what she should be doing and are then (unrealistically & unreasonably) holding her up to that expectation!

Consult with your HV, or do some reading around paediatric development. Or browse the archives here. A lot of what you've described is akin to my experience, or totally unreasonable / random fixation by you.

[Donhill]

My ds1 has terrible eye contact too. Right from birth, when breast feeding, when sitting on my knee, doing anything really he would actively avoid eye contact. He would also push away from me when I was holding him and would never rest his head on me or snuggle. I worried so much, and kept worrying up until age 2 1/4 yrs when he started talking. He is now a teenager and is fine and actually the most loving and affectionate child. I think it is just his personality. He gets very easily overwhelmed and still absolutely hates learning new things and doing stuff when he doesn’t know how to do whatever it is. And I look back and at that age everything was new! And everything was overwhelming! So he was withdrawing and avoiding eye contact as it was all too much.
It does sound like you could do with some help over the anxiety. It’s so horrible to be worried all the time. I know how difficult it is, particularly when every other baby I saw a seemed absolutely obsessed with faces and my ds just wasn’t and looked at the walls.

[Tilly09]

Some valid points. All we want is to provide my lo of to the best start in life. From 0-3 years are the most crucial time of a humans life, them years shape their future adult life. So yes I am comparing my daughter to the average norms because that’s why they are there. Mothers intuition and all that and if my girls not at the average norm I would like know how to support this. And if there is any underlying problem causing this.. As you mention ‘child behaviour’, I have never come across any literature that suggests a baby doesn’t like to have interaction or eye contact with a parent/caregiver. So if you have any please share :) Obviously eye contact aids language development and helps the importance of understanding emotions and the world around them. Also we have family history of autism. Hence why I’m so anxious. My HV has even said that she would be looking to see a baby at lo’s age interacting with an enable adult. She is coming out after Christmas.

[SuperSleepyBaby]

You do sound overly anxious about this and like you are over-analysing your baby. You are missing out on enjoying her while she is a baby. I would focus on treating your anxiety rather than worrying about autism.

My son has autism and has a very happy life and is doing well in school with some adjustments made for him.

There is no need to panic about ‘early intervention’ with such a tiny baby. If it turns out your child does need help as they get older then you can worry about organising it then. All the necessary help my son got started when he was age 5 and in his case just involved learning about social skills and working on his motor skills - this help made a big difference to him and starting when he was a tiny baby would have been a waste of time and just stressed him and us.

[Melodymama12]

I know this is an old post but I was wondering if you had an update. My son doesn’t make a lot of eye contact and it’s really concerning me. Thanks!

[MommyDe]

@Tilly09
Hello,
I came across your post and have similar concerns about DD.
Can you give an update please.
Thanks.