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Behaviour/development

14 month old temper tantrums every day

6 replies

surreygirl1987 · 05/12/2019 20:44

I have a 14 month old. Whilst he was a very difficult baby, he has mellowed somewhat and is very happy a lot of the time, laughing and smiling frequently, and very curious. However, he has been having temper tantrums for months, and they've ramped up massively (didn't even realise it was possible for them to get worse!) over the past week!

He throws a huge tantrum pretty much every time I try to change his nappy or clothes, or when I try to put him into the car seat, or if there's anything else hew not happy with (like if I take something dangerous away from him). Until recently he got over it pretty quickly, but in the past week I've really struggled to get him to snap out of a few of these tantrums and they've lasted for minutes lobger than the event he was protesting about. He gets SO angry! He has always been what is described as a 'high needs' baby but has improved as he's got older.... mostly!

I know tantrums are a normal part of being a toddler, but after googling it, it seems that tantrums in excessive frequency is not normal? He throws multiple tantrums a day, as it's pretty much every nappy change as a minimum. He doesn't hit me or anything but he goes bright red, screams like the world is ending (sometimes takes ages to take a breath!), arches his back, kicks his legs, and has tears streaming down his face. It's pretty distressing.

He's also very temperamental and can go from very happy to crying in seconds.

He's a lovely little boy in so many ways, but the tantrums are really wearing me down and worrying me. I just want to check whether or not this sounds like normal toddler behaviour to be tantrumming so violently and so frequently!!

Also, when he tantrums, what is best to do... ignore, comfort until it's over (though it's tricky as he arches his back screaming), or try to distract?

Don't know if it's relevant but apparently I used to hold my breath when I was a baby throwing tantrums and passed out once 😳

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birdybirdbird · 06/12/2019 10:01

My 14 month old has started this pretty much over night! I’ve been lucky as he has generally been an easy, chill baby but now goes from 0-60 in an instant. It’s like he’s suddenly developed very strong preferences for what he does and doesn’t want to do. It’s ok ok if I can figure out what the problem is and I’ll try and help him with it (as long as it’s something that is safe and not non-negotiable like a nappy change) but sometimes I don’t have a clue 🤷🏼‍♀️ I’m going with trying to keep my voice calm and neutral with lots of “I can see you’re very sad, cross” etc and then offer him a cuddle when he’s stopped (won’t let me mid flow!) Doesn’t mean a lot to him now but I figure it’s good practice for when he’s older. It’s either that or the art of distraction!

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AllesAusLiebe · 06/12/2019 16:38

Hi, I think we have chatted on other threads previously, OP, as we both have boys of a similar age and often similar issues! 😖

Anyway, we have been having this problem for a few weeks now. My little son is now 15 months and the tantrums haven't eased. He does exactly the same - arches his back, throws himself around etc. Today's major episode came about because I had the audacity to stop him from running out of the front door barefoot. . . Hmm

I have a friend whom I've quizzed about this (she's a child psychologist) and she says that it's all because children of this age are very easily overwhelmed. Some more so than others, and they're the ones who tend to have these explosive outbursts. It's apparently a desperate need to understand everything that's going on and when they can't understand why you won't let them run into oncoming traffic, put dad's watch in the toilet, climb into the washing machine (. . . just a few examples we've had this week! Confused), it leads to such frustration that they can't do anything other to release it than kick, scream, roll around etc. They're essentially overwhelmed by the fact that there are so many things that they want to do and either can't because of their age and limitations or because evil mum is stopping them!

She also reckons that the more curious a child is at this age, the more they're likely to have these crazy episodes.

I guess you've got a clever little guy on your hands who wants to explore and learn and just simply doesn't understand that 'no' helps to keep him safe.

I hope that helps! It certainly helped me to take a different angle. Still absolutely horrible to deal with, however, but at least you know you're not alone. Wine Flowers

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surreygirl1987 · 06/12/2019 19:52

Oh thanks both! Very reassuring! My husband has done a bit of research today too (he's not worried but wants to reassure me) and has concluded that this is totally normal, just a bit more intense than most babies... which does sound like my boy! And I was also reassures to see a baby my son's age kicking off at nursery today while his mum tried to make him put his cost on 💕

Good to know you've spoken to a child psychologist! Thanks for passing on the info. Man, toddlers are hard work! 😂 I think my son is just incredibly headstrong and knows what he wants and will make damn sure he'll get it. Fingers crossed it will be a useful trait for him later in life, even if it's a nightmare right now.

Thanks again both of you!!

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surreygirl1987 · 06/12/2019 19:54

PS @Alles you don't live in Surrey do you? Your son sounds like the ideal playmate for my mad little boy!!

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AllesAusLiebe · 08/12/2019 13:52

@surreygirl1987 aww sorry I'm all the way up north in County Durham! I agree, though. They could share their dissatisfaction with life in general. 😂

Also agree about parenting toddlers. I thought the baby stage was tough, but this is really something else!

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surreygirl1987 · 08/12/2019 14:02

Worth a shot - Durham is a bit far 😂

I'm expecting my second child in the summer... 2 under 2... must be mad! Fingers crossed my second one is a bit more chilled out!

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