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My daughter doesn’t know when to stop!

(3 Posts)
Matal Tue 03-Dec-19 22:33:33

My DD is 10 and I know it is the age where it is normal to become more confrontational and emotional but she doesn’t seem to have an off switch at the moment. Particularly if she is bored or tired she will start to do little behaviours to annoy (making silly noises, poking you, turning the volume on the telly up and down etc.) We try to ignore these but when we eventually have enough and pull her up on them, her behaviour escalates. Me and her Dad try really hard to remain calm but it’s not always possible. We point out to her that she is making things worse and she needs to calm down. She will often end up shouting, screaming, pulling our clothes or just laughing at us. A few days ago she said she was going to stab me with some scissors. I really wasn’t worried that she was going to do it, she was looking for a reaction but it is highly wearing and puts us off going places and doing things sometimes in case she kicks off. Once she has calmed down, she does seem genuinely remorseful and says she gets wound up and doesn’t know when to stop at the time. She has said to me that she thinks there may be something ‘wrong’ with her. I tend to think it’s just a skill she needs to learn to moderate her emotions but it has made me think. I would love to hear your thoughts, advice and experience. Thanks

OP’s posts: |
BillHadersNewWife Wed 04-Dec-19 07:36:24

My 11 year old is similar and it's when they need one to one undivided attention. Mine needs that a LOT.

DO you think your DD gets enough undivided attention?

PlutoAjder Wed 04-Dec-19 11:35:40

It sounds like attention seeking behaviour where she's not coping with feelings of insecurity, or needs reassuring that you have her back in some way. Is there a pattern (when she's just in from school and has missed you, if you're working on a computer, before bed or when you're tending to a sibling etc)?

Or could any changes recently have made her seek more regular emotional reassurance than she's currently getting?

Can you observe what happens in the run up to her starting to get wound up, I'd be highly surprised if there isn't a pile of cues/triggers.

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