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My sons friends mum is brainwashing him?

(5 Posts)
zerosanity Mon 11-Nov-19 12:03:21

Okay so, my step son has really bad behavioural problems. This stems from neglect and abuse he faced from his mum a few years back. He has so much anger inside him and doesn't know how to control his emotions. Social services has been involved for 2 years however recently have closed the case as since I have been around for the last year there has been an improvement on home conditions, school attendance, quality of life etc etc.

Now, my step son (10) has been friends with a boy in the neighbourhood for 6-9 months now, and always wants to spend time at their house to a point where he's asking to go there everyday after school and all day on weekends. At first me and the dad didn't mind because it's good that he has a nice friend to play with and he is well looked after there. However recently things have become a little strange.

There has been numerous times when my step son has gone to his friends house and reported to his friends mum on things that had been going on in our house. For example, rules and punishments due to his bad behaviour. However he has been telling lies to his friends mum and convincing her that we are abusing and neglecting him like his mum did.

We've already been through a rough patch where we weren't sure whether it was best for him to live with us because of how out of control his behaviour was and whether he'd be better with another family member, but with social services help we diffused the situation and have moved on. However ever since it is like my step son has a vendetta for me and his dad and is constantly trying to get taken off us. He constantly says he doesn't want to live with us and he hates us because he can't always get what he wants.

We don't have lots of money so can't afford to buy him everything he wants but are saving up to buy him a console this year for Christmas. (I am still iffy about this idea because his behaviour is appalling but I feel it could be a good incentive for good behaviour) However, I feel that he is using his friend and his friends mum because they take him out places and he can go over and play on his friends consoles and tablet etc.

Recently their mum has been acting very strange and because of lies that he tells her about me and his dad the other day she kept him at her house and said she wasn't sending him back because she felt it wasn't a good environment for him to be in and felt he wasn't safe with us. My partner had to go and get him and the only way to convince him to come home was telling him he could play on a console that belongs to my partner.

His friends mum has been talking about calling social services and has been saying that my step son has been let down by them and that they still should be involved because of all the lies my step son tells her. I'm starting to worry that me and my partner are going to get into trouble for things that aren't true. I want to stop him from going over to their house but it just means that me and my partner will have to face his wrath when he's told he can't go there anymore and I fear this will trigger him running away again as he's done in the past.

I just need some advice really. Sorry my post is so long.

OP’s posts: |
AmaryllisNightAndDay Mon 11-Nov-19 13:42:34

Best bet is to contact social services yourselves. Your stepson is still very troubled and he needs more help. Not because you've done anything wrong, but because of past damage. The lies are a sign that he's still very disturbed. Your stepson's "vendetta" against you and DH is probably because he's been let down by other people in the past, so he is "testing" you and his father by behaving bady. You may need some specialist parenting classes to deal with him, social services can out you in contact with this sort of support and other help he needs.

I don't think this is brainwashing - he has been lying to his friend's parents and she is worried about him. Whether she believes what he says, or whether she just thinks the lying is a sign he needs more help, she doesn't seem to have done anything wrong. Calling social services is sensible. If your stepson keeps telling lies about you e.g. to his teacher then the school may call social services anyway. It would be ideal if you called them and not someone else, so you can explain the situation properly.

oreomum Mon 11-Nov-19 15:30:16

What Amaryllis said.

The other mum isn't doing anything wrong. Most people would believe a child's allegations of abuse and going to SS yourselves and getting help now will hopefully stop a big incident happening later. Your SS doesn't realise the effect of his lies yet and needs counselling so that he knows that adults will give him attention without him having to make allegations of abuse.

zerosanity Mon 11-Nov-19 22:38:22

Thanks for your comments. I'd just like to add that I speak to the mum of my step sons friend and she has been trying to convince us to get rid of the child. And has been telling him that she will adopt him if he has to leave. It's a lot more complicated than what my original post shows. The fact that she's saying all this to him is making him believe that the grass is greener on the other side and making him want to leave even more because he thinks living there he will have the life of luxury sad

OP’s posts: |
April45 Thu 14-Nov-19 06:43:10

Definately contact social services. And supervise his contact with the friends mum you have concerns about.

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