ds doesnt want to go to a party

[elis6782]

If your child tells you they don't want to go to a party do you respect their decision?

My dh says he should go as his friend will be upset but he is a really sensitive boy that doesn't like crazy noisy activites but once he gets there he may enjoy it as it's a different type of party.

I'm torn what to do - if he doesn't go would you be honest with the childs parents?

[AladdinMum]

I think it depends on the child. Some are reluctant at first and with a little encouragement once they get there they have a great time (i.e. they cry to go and then they cry to leave!), while others just really do not like going to noise parties, i.e. they cry to go and they cry and are miserable through the event - if the later it is probably better not to go until they are ready. Or you could compromise, i.e. tell your child that we will go but that we can leave as soon as they like, so if by the first 30 minutes they are not having a good time then it's time to go - it might shift some control back to them and make it more acceptable. But either way I don't think the decision should be based on weather his friend will be upset or not.

[elis6782]

It's so hard - a head and a heart situation.

He's never liked parties and we've not forced him to go in the past to those at church halls etc but this is a football party which he hasn't tried before.

I've been concerned recently because his spending all his playtime at school by himself as he's worried about getting hurt when he plays with other boys - they are all very boisterous.

Just don't want him isolated further by not going to parties but when I talk to him I just want to give him a big cuddle and listen to what he wants.

Like I say a head and heart thing.

[AladdinMum]

It is indeed very difficult - how old is he?

[oreomum]

Of course I'd decline. If it's someone he's close to, you could still give the mum a gift and card.

[elis6782]

He is 6.

He is really good friends with the boy although saying today they aren't (perhaps to avoid the party). I think I'm going to decline the invite and try to invite the boy to our house and gte some cake and a present.

[NoraThePessimist]

My dh says he should go as his friend will be upset

That's really fucked up.

Your DH would seriously force his son to attend a party he's saying he doesn't want to attend to avoid the other kid upset?!

It's different if your son said he'd go and backed out so you're trying to highlight problems around flakiness.. but your DH lesson on "put other people before your own needs" is setting up your child to place other people's demands before his own (sensible, thought out) boundaries. That's wrong.

[elis6782]

Thank you for your really helpful advice!

At no point did I say my husband would force him, simply that he SHOULD go, not that he is going.

As you may have seen I've already made a decision which my husband supports fully.