3.5 month - colic or temperament?

[Babytalk2019]

Hello,
I wondered if there’s anyone out there with experience of their child being very sensitive and seemingly hard to calm and hard to reassure (from birth)?

My 3 month old daughter frequently appears to be very disturbed & upset/almost angry by new surroundings or changes to her environment- she gets upset/angry quite easily and is extremely hard to reassure& calm (BFeeding works but I’m not sure I like the idea of using it to quieten her or reassure her if I can improve my bond with her or better understand what is happening as well).
(If relevant, pregnancy was problem free as was her birth- a quick 90mins and she came out in the sac, in a hospital birthpool - with no issues, no meds)

Once she wakes from sleeping, or becomes even slightly on edge whilst awake things escalate very quickly to extremely loud and upsetting screams - without exception - holding her close and reassuring her does nothing and I’m worried about her connection to us/the family and how happy she is.
When not crying, ironically she is the biggest smiler. She will giggle and smile constantly until something bothers her.
Where car rides for my son (now 2) were more often than not relaxing for him (he of course had moments he was upset..) - for my daughter it is absolute hysterics from the moment she is placed in a seat (we have tried the lay-flat and regular seats). Even if I can calm her somehow and she sleeps, she wakes quickly and is so cross it is so upsetting.
She is seemingly inflexible with her bedtime & bedtime routine, but wakes every 30-90 minutes until approx 4/5am... and demands to feed- no other comforting or help to sleep is of interest or works to help her.

My son is the complete opposite- he had colic symptoms for a few months but even then he was easy to comfort and help to sleep. Less smiley but easy going..

I’m concerned my daughter is not happy and I don’t know how much the stress of her crying affects her. Is it normal/common?? The Gp is not remotely interested and has no input or advice. Could it be colic??

Does anyone’s child have a similar temperament and if so- do you have any advice?

If it’s simply her temperament and we need to work around that to make her feel safe and accept it for her of course that’s fine, but I feel she could be a lot happier if only I knew how to calm her or understand what it means developmentally.

Has anyone been to see a developmental Pediatrician to help (better understand) their baby- with something perhaps as minor as this, or is this a waste of time?

Thank you so much in advance for any advice or thoughts Xx

[JoMumsnet]

We're just giving this thread a bump for you, @Babytalk2019

[JoMumsnet]

And another.

[Babytalk2019]

Thank you!

[ArtistOfTheFloatingWorld]

I'm not sure I have any helpful advice, but I can identify with everything you've said. My daughter, now 14 months, was as you describe as a small baby. Some days it seemed like she cried constantly. The smallest noises would set her off, she couldn't manage busy environments. She wanted to be held constantly and would very if put down, on a bouncer, a playmat - anywhere! She was also very clingy and from about 3 months of age would scream unless she was being held by me or her dad. She seemed to want feeding constantly, and often it was the only way to comfort her She was always happiest when right next to my boob. She was a pretty awful sleeper.

I worried so much that all this crying would damage her, that I was doing something wrong, that there was something wrong with my baby. I googled so much - did she have reflux? Colic? CMPA? Was she one of these 'high needs' babies? I think in the end I just went with it - I spent long evenings on the sofa with my boobs out watching Netflix (although I appreciate this is much harder with a 2 year old!)

I think things started to improve around month 5 and got gradually better since then. The more she can do herself, the more she can communicate, the happier she seems to be. She's likes new environments now, is fine with loud noises, and, at last, I can put her down! She's a pretty jolly little soul now.

I had all these people in baby groups tell me about their wonderful parenting skills and how they managed to make their babies more chilled out. I don't think any of it would have worked for mine - it's just the way she is. I'm not sure if that's remotely helpful - but you're not alone, and as it seems with so many of these things, time is a great healer!

[Harrysmummy246]

Colic is literally defined as long periods of unexplained crying. It's not something that is actually a medical issue or can be 'treated'

And BF is a perfectly normal tool for calming a baby. It's comfort, drink, food etc

[Babytalk2019]

@ArtistOfTheFloatingWorld oh it really is such a help! Thank you.
It’s great to hear your experience thank you so much for sharing. It has a funny impact knowing someone has experienced the same thing and same feelings..
I do the same re. sitting up (once my son is in bed!) I’m just trying to accept no sleep until 4am and trying to find things to keep me entertained/ awake !! It’s just strange to be the case from birth as opposed to starting after a few weeks as is often the case with ‘colic’...
I’ll just keep watching her cues and doing what I can and hopefully she’ll follow in your daughters footsteps and feel more settled in a month or so - fingers crossed. It is hard to see them so upset. I had hoped for some guidance as whether it is colic etc too- but to be honest ‘colic’ doesn’t really mean anything does it I suppose. No one seems to know what it actually is and it wouldn’t help to know as there’s nothing that helps you understand them more which is I guess all we want to do! It is hard going through it on your own in those wee hours of the night- over and over for months so I really appreciate your insight and sharing your experience!

I’m glad your sweet little one has found easier times and settled.. thanks again xx

[Babytalk2019]

Thanks for your response @Harrysmummy246 !

I agree m, but I think that the acid from constant small feeds can make your baby worse. They need the fatty milk to feel full and have less acid... it’s very hard isn’t it- if only ‘colic’ was more understood.
I wanted to put this out there as I feel it’s my responsibility to try and understand her as much as I can- I’m certainly not looking for and treatment or medication, just for the record.

Thanks again for your advice and time in replying x

[Harrysmummy246]

There's absolutely no foundation to that thinking I'm afraid and the constitution of milk changes throughout feeds. There isn't a sudden switch as many people seem to think

If there really is an issue with acid, that's reflux and can be looked into

[ArtistOfTheFloatingWorld]

Babytalk it's so hard! I went along to my breastfeeding support group to ask about the constant feeding - and they told me that it was perfectly normal and to crack on. It felt comforting to know she was normal!

Good luck to you, I hope things start to become a bit easier soon

[Babytalk2019]

@ArtistOfTheFloatingWorld thank you!

[JustJaxAndFreddie]

My so. Is 3.5 mo this and I find when I stay away from home be it friends or grandparents he is super clingy and cries a lot and just generally seems unhappy. Does anyone have any tips on how to calm this as we are away for Xmas and I am not looking forward to him being so unsettled again ?

[Harrysmummy246]

Christmas is still 6 weeks+ away. So much will change in that time. Don't assume his reactions will be the same.

But familiarity, sticking to any routines you can, maybe a sling or carrier to keep them close to you etc

[isitcrazyzzz]

It's not easy to tell. Babies also change so much in their first year. Sometimes we just have to do our best (to stay sane) and wait it out.

There's one thing that sprang into my mind though. Maybe she feels overloaded on the sensory side. I'm not entirely familiar with how sensory overload works, but you might find helpful to look into.

Good luck. People don't tell you the amount of worries that parenting involves, from the moment when they were born till forever. Tough, but sweet...