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Child I look after behavior / defiance

(3 Posts)
Footiefan2019 Sat 26-Oct-19 17:11:13

I’m posting in here as I know it won’t be outing - doubt anyone will see this that knows us.
I am in my early 20s and am studying and since September I have been looking after my step sisters kids as a bit of an au pair type job. I have them one morning and afternoon after school, or a full day in holidays, sometimes from 6-8 one other weekday night and every other Saturday 2-9pm. I get minimum wage for my age this and my Mum will sometimes give me money to take them out as I was spending my own money on ice cream/drinks etc if I took them out which I don’t mind occasionally but not every time . I care for them at their house or sometimes my own little flat.

I’ve known them all since birth except the oldest. I haven’t always lived near them though. Unless 3 years ago I lived in another town to them all. Due to family circs we now all live in the same town. They’re 15, 13, 10 and 7. The 15 and 13 yr old are pretty much self sufficient and get themselves to and from school, they can get the tube by themselves (13 yo not massively keen but will if needed), they sometimes ask for a snack etc. Sometimes I have to shout to get them to stop horsing around as I’m scared they’ll break stuff but they’re pretty reasonable. I will make supper for us all and they eat it with mostly no fuss, sometimes complaining a little but not much. The 10yr old I am very close to they are well behaved for me, helpful, courteous. The only thing is food as they only like specific things but as they are so good I often find myself catering for them food-wise which I know is bad. The only problem I have is with the 7yo. I feel like I praise the 10yo a lot and the 7yo doesn’t like this. But I often find them very hard to deal with. They will literally argue with me until I have to give up.
I don’t want to start a list of complaints but some of their behavior is:
1) refusing to come with me when I’m at school pickup because I’m not mummy or daddy, then coming but with a massive sulky face and dragging bag along etc
2) talking in an silly American-ish accent I can’t understand and not stopping when I ask them to
3) telling me to carry school things , calling me idiotic or lazy if I say nope
4) only want to watch YouTube channels about their specific interests even when I say no let’s watch something else. If older sibling ask, they will change to what older siblings want.
5) tells me I’m wrong and stupid about things - me - ‘ lets go to McDonalds in Town’ ... them - ‘there is no McDonalds in Town’ ... me - ‘yes there is, it’s next to the Aldi’ them - ‘that’s not town! You’re an idiot ! That’s the OUTSKIRTS of town! Haha you don’t even know anything !’
Also it could be 8.33am and I say ‘come on it’s half past eight we need to hurry’ and they say ‘it’s not it’s 8.33 Duh!!’ All with a big scowl and just makes me feel two feet tall!
6) arguing black is white - refusing to acknowledge I’m older than someone else in the family even though I am. I try to explain I’m born in X year and Cousin Bob is born in x year so I’m older... child realizes they’re wrong I can see it in their face but runs off shouting ‘you’re lying ! You’re wrong !’

Child is like this with only me, a lesser extent with my DM (step-nana) and ‘real’ nana but still quite rude at times which they don’t like but don’t know what to do about A a great student at a prep school where they’re doing great academically but not sporty, always has kids to play with, plays elaborate games in which they’re the leader or captain or King/Queen. Child is ‘demanding’ with Mum and dad but in a more needy way eg. wanting help with going to bed, brushing teeth , dressing, things the others didn’t need help with at this age but they still do. Parents don’t mind as this child is fourth and will be the last child so is seen as the baby. I just don’t know how to make this kid like me ! I have even tried taking them out alone to cinema, mini golf, KFC... not badly behaved as in running off it’s just the back chat and making me feel rubbish ! Any ideas how best to handle this ?

OP’s posts: |
Footiefan2019 Sat 26-Oct-19 17:11:33

Good lord what an essay ! Sorry !

OP’s posts: |
Notodontidae Mon 28-Oct-19 19:48:07

First of all, wow! Someone else's 4 Children, you are amazing. Get their mum to create the house rules including not being rude to you. Their mum must show the children the rules preferable typed and encased/laminated with mums signature at the bottom. She must tell them what privileges will be taken away if they are rude to you, and that you will do that if you consider they are being disobediant, defiant, argumentitive, or rude. Sit the two young siblings down preferably with their mum, but not neccessarilly and tell them that you are hurt by their comments, and explane that they wouldn't like someone talking like that to them. Talking silly could be construed as rude, I wouldn't like it, but try not to let it bother you, however if you specifically ask them to stop and they dont, it is being disobediant. They treat you differently, not because of your age "although it is a slight factor," because they can. They probly do it to their teachers, dont get into an arguments about nonsense walk away, and dont try and get them to like you either, you've go to get them respecting you first. Good lord an essay back, your doing a great job, but only take them out to McD or Cini "If they are behaving?" Not to make them like you.

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