4 year old behaviour is out of control

(2 Posts)
Lm26x Fri 25-Oct-19 14:09:25

First of all hi everyone and thanks for replying to my thread. It's my first one and not here for negativity just a mum who feels very on her own with this and I'm like the only person in the world with a child who has behaviour issues. (Which is exhausting)
My son is 4 and attends nursery 4 days a week full time and always has done since he was 9 months old as I have been a student since then trying to gain my dream career and make a better future for my child.
Over the past couple of months his behaviour has become really bad. He lashes out and trys to hurt himself and others. There seems to not be a certain trigger which causes it and I'm doing everything I can to try and help. I am currently doing parenting classes to help me understand his emotions better. It just seems to be getting worse to the point the nursery is sending him home. I have a great relationship with them but now feel judged and guilty like it's my fault I must be doing something wrong ?

A bit of background
Me and his dad split up when he was around 1 and a half and had an ok relationship but things happened in both our lifes causing friction and we started to not agree on contact ect so it went from split custody which his dad fought me for to him then telling me I had to take him back full time as he had a new job after he changed his nursery ect to suit his days. So I was left to change him back which was around a year ago and took him back full time which I was delighted with as thats what I wanted. His dad has an other gf and child now but I felt like he had no time now for his son due to this and feel maybe my son thinks the same.
He then proceeded to fight me for access of every 2nd weekend and a day through the week which lasted a short time as he kept changing jobs. I let it slide a bit as the the thought of court ect again was to much to handle and tryed to work around him keeping as much of a routine as possible But now my sons behaviour is out of control and I dont know why. I am also in a relationship and I am now expecting my 2nd son but feel so guilty about it and cant enjoy my pregnancy as I feel its having a huge impact on my son. I was also very unwell at the start and didn't do the things i always did with him and now think he feels left out.
Me and his dad and partners came together to be in agreement what punishments ect and boundaries we had so we were all singing from the same hymn sheet but at the weekend we had an argument due to him becoming angry infront of our son and I didn't agree with it.
I am not for a minute blaming his dad but I feel like I have no help and dont think he understands how much our child is suffering just now.
I'm at my wits end and feel like I'm failing my son. I have contacted the relevant resources for additional support but its long waiting lists and as I'm off on mat leave have more time to be more consistent with him. I just want him to get better before he starts school and i want to help my child it breaks my heart all of this and I know hes been through a lot but I dont understand why now is his behaviour so unpredictable. I have also been quite an anxious person all my life and struggled with this so is it me that's caused all of this and its learned behaviour as he doesnt know how to show emotion like myself I'm so confused and hurt right now with this
Thanks for listening

OP’s posts: |
Notodontidae Fri 25-Oct-19 18:12:51

You could do with letting go a bit ATM, you cannot help your DS if you are under stress, with HM dancing around. There is always a bit of the character of your ex, in your DS, and oddly enough it is often the parent that the behaviour resembles is the one that knows how to contain it. You say you dont like Ex getting angry, but is it anger or getting cross, I cannot see why anyone would worry about a parent getting cross, children will meet it throughout their lives, and deal with it. Try not to contest anything right now, you've got too much on your plate, remember Dunkirk? You will need to be assertive with DS, parenting classes are great, but I sometimes think Parents should go to Amateur Dramatics, or Assertive Training. Ensure while you have DS, that he does not get away with poor behaviour, and that routine like baths and reading is not compromised. Your Ex was wrong to become angry with you in front of your son, but having said that, any sensitive topics, like who has DS this weekend may be best dealt with when he is not around. Let your Ex have DS as much as possible, and give yourself a break. Dont forget 4 days a week for a 4YO is still pretty tough, he will need plenty of fresh air, exercise, and drink. I hope this helps, well done.

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