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Am I too close to my child?

(9 Posts)
1stIVFjourney2015 Tue 15-Oct-19 09:41:49

Hi, so, some background here

As my name suggests, we had IVF - horrific years later, we had our rainbow boy and he is the light of my life.

I am mentioning this, as I feel it is relevant to my attachment to him. I have always wanted children, I love kids, my dream job would be a nursery nurse and ID love to adopt siblings for my son in the future. We tried so hard for him, waited so long, had a horrific MMC at 13 weeks before him and

anyway, here goes. Am i creating an unhealthy relationship?

DS is now 2.5 years old, we have recently moved house with a mortgage (yay) from my mums house. in my mums, we were squashed for space and we all had to sleep in the same room. DS sleeps in his own bed, next to my bed. We fall asleep holding hands almost every night.

Now we have moved house, I have kept him in our room instead of introducing him to his own. 1) his room needs painting (it is currently luminous pink) and 2) im being selfish. I love our arrangement where we can cuddle at night in adjoining beds. We often snuggle in the night and it breaks my heart to think of this time stopping.

My son always wants me, he is a proper mummy's boy and doesnt want his dada 90% of the time - when we wake up in a morning, if I am not there, he gets extremely upset. IF I am there, he clings to me like a koala bear until about 10 minutes later when he finally comes around.

This may be normal, I am not sure, I dont have friends with 2 year old children, so I cant ask! So, what do you think? is my behaviour developing an unhealthy relationship?

I work full time and I miss my boy, so I feel like the time at night when we hold hands is a way of getting in those extra cuddles.

I do plan for him to go into his own room, but I think I will wait until he asks for it

Please be nice!

anniemac1 Tue 15-Oct-19 09:50:19

It is lovely that you are so attached and love him. I also think that you are right to be guided by his wishes. However perhaps spend some time trying to think of his future as an independent grown up, that is also a big part of your job if you really want what is best for him. Take time out to build a seperate life as for him to be healthy you need to be emotionally heaslthy too. Big hugs . There are few alright/all wrong answers as each parent and child are different. You are doing better than you think.

1stIVFjourney2015 Tue 15-Oct-19 09:56:50

So do you think this could affect his independence? I was worried about that! I mean, he goes to nursery absolutely fine, no crying, he loves going to his grandma and grandads and doesnt cry when I leave - its just this sleeping arrangement. I hope by the age of around 4 or 5 he will want his own space, or if not, I would nudge him in that direction by making a new room seem exciting for him.

What do you think?

anniemac1 Tue 15-Oct-19 10:03:01

It seems like you have a good handle on the situation. Enjoy this special relationship. The fact you even ask the question shows that you are aware and a responsible caring parent. These are the very best times for you and your son. Enjoy. Don't worry. It will all be fine. There will be stuff coming up through the years but thats parenthood. The most difficult. job. So pleased you have family support. Take care of yourself.

pikapikachu Tue 15-Oct-19 13:19:35

It depends if your closeness is at the cost of your son's relationship with his Dad.

Personally I think that the co-sleeping is fine (as long as you're keeping up your sex life with your h)

Harrysmummy246 Tue 15-Oct-19 16:05:09

Sounds like my 2.3 yo, Who is not IVF/ rainbow.

Just the way he is.

He's in his own room but often, I'm in there for part of the night too. THey become independent in their own time and a secure attachment is actually really important for that.

hobbeschild Wed 16-Oct-19 10:10:04

I did some research on this, because of the constant background noise of "it's your job to make him more independent" from other people and my own conscience. I read a study that concluded that children who are allowed into their parents' bed grow up to be more independent, self-assured, comfortable with themselves and with physical contact. I'm sure there are other studies that say the opposite! But it comforted me.

But mine is 6 now and is still being dragged off me into school or when I go out for the evening (the second I leave he's happy as Larry). I worry too that I have brought this on myself. But I am trying to just enjoy the closeness while it lasts because everything I hear makes me think he will grow out of it this year. I think some of them are just like this.

Sorry if this isn't much help except to give comradeship-in-arms.

Italianshark Thu 17-Oct-19 16:20:02

Awww reading this brought tears to my eyes, so loving.

If your away from him whilst you work then there's not an attachment issue so enjoy it 🙂 I'm sure they'll come a time where he won't want to anymore and you'll treasure it as a memory

Xx

Rubyduby26 Thu 17-Oct-19 17:04:40

You sound like you have a lovely bond with your rainbow baby ☺️

My 18 month old sleeps with me, I have tried to get him to sleep in his bed next to mine and DPS and he just keeps waking up so I've given up and am waiting for him to be ready to sleep in his bed in his own time and it sounds like you are doing the same!

I consistently slept with my parents until I was 3 and I still remember going and jumping in bed with my mum for an hour in the morning when I was a teenager! I don't think it has done me any harm, I am close to my mum but have managed to move an hour away so neither of us have ended up being overly attached, we just have a normal healthy relationship!

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