My 2.5 yr old is toilet trained with #1s but still poos in knickers

[Emmalou]

My 2.5 yr old daughter is toilet trained for her wees and has been for about a month - she is brilliant at it and loves it. But she doesn't want me to get involved with ther poos. She knows when she's pooing but always denies it when I ask her and usually runs off somewhere to poo in her knickers in private. I've offered to put her on the potty, toilet and even to put a nappy on but she doesn't want me to get involved. I haven't made a big deal of it, I just ask her calmly each time but we never make any progress. This has been going on for 2-3 months. Help! I have tried suggesting she go to the toilet alone to give her some privacy but that hasn't worked either. Lucky for us the poos have been solid so far ....... any ideas ??

[Enid]

Dd is very much like your daughter - she feels the need to poo privately in her nappy/pants and then completely denies she's done anything and hates being changed. I got in a right state about potty training her then gave up and put her back in nappies. Anyway, for the last two days she's been telling me that she needs a poo and a wee - she still likes to sit on her own on the big loo, I have to wait outside or am sometimes commmanded to go downstairs while she does it. She's 2.8 now and its early days but there has definitely been progress. She's a very strong minded, wilful little girl and I think she got very bloody minded over the whole issue, after I completely stepped back she gave in a bit.

I appreciate its more difficult for you as she's already trained for wees and you don't want to put her back in nappies. I'd be interested to hear what others have got to say, I suppose my advice would be to completely ignore it and just clean her up without fuss and see if that makes a difference - but I appreciate that is easier said than done !

[21stcenturygirl]

Oh Emmalou and Enid, I remember it like it was yesterday! My dd (now 4.5) was dry from 23 months (never wet the bed and hardly every had an accident) but the poo side was a different matter. It took us a whole year to crack this. Luckily they were solids and it was never much of a problem cleaning up after her. She also denied doing it and was very upset by it all.

I spent a lot of time researching expert's opinions on this and they all said not to make an issue of it. But how did we crack it? BRIBERY!! Yep that old cheshnut again. It was close to Christmas and I bought some chocolate stars from Thorntons and put them on the mantelpiece saying that whenever she did a poo in the toilet/potty she could have one. Within a week, it worked.

[Azzie]

Just out of interest, Emmalou, what does she do if she's not wearing pants? (i.e. skirt and no knickers - wearing trousers or leggings is the same as pants really). Would she use the potty then, do you think?

[Emmalou]

Thanks for the advice, I think I might go for the bribery, she does love her chocolate! Azzie, if she's got nothing on her bottom she hides behind something to poo (the sofa, eg).

[Azzie]

Sounds like chocolate might be the answer then .

My dd happily takes herself off and poos in the potty without telling me. She then empties it into the toilet and wipes it out with some loo paper. Trouble is, her aim isn't very good, nor is her wiping.... but how can I make a fuss about the mess when she's trying so hard to do the right thing?

[nexus]

My trick was Father Christmas - I think my ds only soiled his pants once during potty training - I told him that Father Christmas was watching and doesn't like pant pooing, you can ham it up (or down) as much as you like.
Worked for me, good old Father Christmas.

[AliH]

Emmalou - my dd was exactly the same. She was wee wee trained at 26 mths, but always did the other in her pants. She didn't even need to be private, just did it wherever. Luckily, she always came and told me as soon as she had done it!

The thing that worked for her was stickers (problem with fussy eating, hence I wouldn't use food). I bought a sheet of her favourite stickers (Thomas the Tank Engine), and for a few days, each time she did a poo in her knickers, no fuss, just reiteration that if she had done it on the potty, she would have a sticker. I also showed her the sticker sheet each time.

It took about a week, then she cracked it. Good luck.

[sylvev]

I agree with the comments so far. Both my chidren responded well to star charts, obtaining a star for each poo or wee attempted on loo. If they gained a certain number over the week, they could have a trip to the toy shop at the weekend for a small gift. Worked within 10 days, along with lots of praise and minimising any mishaps! Good luck.

[Emmalou]

Diarrhoea day ..... started the chocolate plan yesterday, she definately got the message but couldn't bring herself to go through with it. Such torture for her ... she wants that chocolate so badly! Today she made her first attempt at going to the toilet for a poo but had diarrhoea ! So a real poo-ey day for me ! I'm going to keep at it though, it looks like this might work ....

[Caroline5]

How are you getting on, Emmalou? My 3 1/2 year old dd is still pooing in her pants, although has been dry (more or less) since age 3. She suffers from major constipation, which has made the whole thing very difficult. She tries to go on the potty but gets frustrated because she can't. We've had a few weeks where she's been going on the potty, but then she gets constipated again, and goes back to soiling her pants. Bribery doesn't seem to help, because she physically can't go!

She has a pretty good diet (fruit,veg, wholemeal cereals, lots of fruit juice) so that doesn't seem to be the problem. Our GP has prescribed various medications which work for a while and then stop.

Any ideas, anyone???

[21stcenturygirl]

Caroline5, Don't know if anyone's suggested it already but what about Prune Juice. We used to sneak it in our DD's Ribena and gradually reduce the Ribena until she was just drinking Prune Juice. In the end she asked for her "special drink" all the time and it seemed to ease her bowels. Good luck!

[Emmalou]

Aaaahh! I have just about recovered from my poo day from hell and had some success on Saturday - my dd had been talking about the chocolate non stop and went for a wee and did a missive poo on the toilet. She screamed with delight and said "chocolate now mummy" in the next breath. She talked about it for a couple of days but hasn't managed it since. Still poos in her knickers. I'm perservering with the bribery ... still open to ideas anyone ???

[Hilary]

My son was like this for about 5 months after he'd got wees sorted out. I used stickers on a chart. One sticker for trying to do a poo on a potty or even sitting there for a bit once it was a bit too late and two stickers for actually doing a poo in the potty. No stickers for weeks and weeks but he got the hang of it and the problem went away so suddenly. It was hard to keep my cool though, I felt so exasperated with him, it was hard not to let it show.