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Clinginess with mum, crying with dad in 1yr old.

(5 Posts)
caspercat Wed 08-Aug-07 22:31:14

I thought we'd already been through and come out of, separation anxiety (when dd was ~ 9 mths), but has suddenly got bad again. She's with me all day (but we do all have breakfast together), and dh usually gets home in time for her bedtime. She's fab all day, and loves to see her dad when he gets in, but as soon as i leave him to put her to bed (for me to make dinner, tidy up, etc) she cries all the way through her bedtime routine, and is upset when put in her cot. I know it's just another phase, but just wondering what other people's experiences are? How long does it last? Do we perservere with DH putting her to bed until it passes, which seems like making her cry for no reason? DH thinks "she's trying it on!". If i give into her, then will she end up only ever wanting me to put her to bed? DH always been fully hands on dad, we take it turns putting her to bed, but he's getting upset that she cries for me when with her. Sorry for so many questions xxx

HonoriaGlossop Wed 08-Aug-07 23:32:14

It is horrible but you're right it won't last. I do think stick to your arrangements; there is no harm being done, she's simply being put to bed by her loving dad. He needs to stay involved day to day, though it can't be nice for him at the moment

My DH started taking ds swimming on a Saturday at this age. DS did not want to leave me and cried lots, but DH persevered and it was brilliant because it was a nice big chunk of time for them to spend together, and ds got used to relying on dad for his looking after as well as relying on me. I think at LEAST a morning or an afternoon of the dad having sole charge, is a REALLY good thing for everyone. And time in the day is different, too; your dd won't be so tired as she is when he's doing her bedtime.

snowleopard Wed 08-Aug-07 23:38:11

She's not trying it on, but she wants you and if she knows it's a possibilty you'll come, she will call for you. Your DH needs to stay hands-on and loving and not think of her as being manipulative - I know it's hard. We have a similar situation with DS and I know DP finds the rejection really tough. However, after much perseverance and a very regular bedtime routine with DP, DS is now happy with the bedtime "Daddy time" and is just now, at 2, starting to ask for Daddy to help him get dressed, hold his hand when we're out, or even take him to nursery. I did post about this too and other Mumsnetters told me it would get better - they were right.

HonoriaGlossop Wed 08-Aug-07 23:56:15

casper I've just noticed that you take turns putting her to bed. That's great for joint parenting etc but I think just for now, when she's so clingy, that perhaps you could look at handing bedtimes over to your DH completely. It'll just be clearer for her. One night she has you, then the next night she doesn't, so maybe it's that that makes her fight having her dad; she just wants to get back what she had the night before.

It wouldn't have to be forever. You can re-introduce the taking turns when she's happily accepting dad. Oh and one lovely side effect this had for me was that at this age when ds woke in the night he would call "Daaaaaaaadddddddyyyyy". Bliss.

caspercat Thu 09-Aug-07 07:39:36

Thanks for your replies. HG - not always possible for DH to always put her to bed, as his home time differs every day. All we can do is when he is here, he does it. Will try the weekend thing though -he can have dd while i go to the gym!

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