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Help! My baby is a thug!

(15 Posts)
Cha Sat 24-Aug-02 12:49:26

My 10 month old daughter has recently become rather anti social. It started a month or two ago with fairly innocuous grabbing of other babies toys at baby group and shrieking when they were given back. I could put up with that. But now she has taken to lashing out with her nails and scratching at eyes / faces when thwarted. What should I do to stop her? So far, I have been saying no firmly and turning her face into mine to tell her how horrible what she has just done is. Trouble is, I feel that some other mums think I'm being too harsh (me being paranoid?. I know others think what a vile child I have and snatch their offspring away from her as she comes charging over. Is it OK to tell off a 10 month old in the way I am doing? Are they old enough to learn and moderate their behaviour? Will she grow out of it?

eemie Sat 24-Aug-02 14:20:33

She's old enough to know when she's interested in something and mind when it's taken away, but not to understand turn taking/sharing/don't snatch. As has often been said on other threads - distraction, distraction, distraction! You can't always be prepared, but if you can see you're going to have to take something away from her you can try to be ready with something else to give her instead. At around this age I bought dd a brightly coloured plastic turtle which lit up and played tunes if pressed - we kept it in the car and took it everywhere for just those moments.

manna Sat 24-Aug-02 22:07:05

my 9 mth old has recently learnt and understood a firm 'NO'with a shaking finger and somber expression (mine, not his) when he does something wrong.Atm it's mainly about plugs / wires/ electrical equipment, but he definitely knows what I mean, and does actually do it 90% of the time . Have you got 'what to expect in your first year'? It's got a very useful bit on discipline. If not, I can summerise it for you: be consistant, keep a straight face, remove child from offending behaviour site, give alternative distraction, limit no's to really important ones, encourage good behaviour. Good luck - I can feel it coming with my ds already.....

Cha Sun 25-Aug-02 20:32:03

Thanks eemie, distraction is a good idea, the key is to get to her before the nails sink into someone else's eyeballs! And manna - what is 'what to expect in your first year'? Is it a book?

eemie Mon 02-Sep-02 23:13:42

Yes, it's a book, part of a series, but I haven't read it. I read 'What to expect when you're expecting' and hated it, felt really persecuted by it, but I notice some others on mumsnet recommend it highly.

Sorry, I thought you'd have floods of replies to this one and mine now seems rather inadequate. How is it going? We still find it a challenge to limit the use of 'no' in our house and dd is nearly 4. Another tip I found helpful was 'tell her what to do, don't tell her what not to do' eg say 'be gentle' and demonstrate gentle stroking. But if you have to say 'no', say it firmly in a cross voice with a cross face, not just blandly.

aloha Tue 03-Sep-02 03:57:17

I really don't think a 10month old's brain is developed enough to understand explanations about why her behaviour is wrong. As I understand it, they simply can't moderate their impulsive behaviour at first because of their developmental stage. You just have to take them away from the cause of the shrieking etc, & distract.

sweeper Wed 04-Sep-02 19:55:16

Please someone - anyone tell me this will end...
My son, who has just turned two, has been nothing short than a nightmare on legs since 21 months. He throws one tantrum after another for no apparent reason - which of course invloves the full scale throwing himself on the floor and banging his head - we have ignored this and tried to understand and reason with him - with no success. Today the child minder has had enough as he aslo took to thumping other kids.
My husband and I are both quite normal - is he. Surely the verocity and freqency of these outbursts aren't normal. Someone, anyone please offer me some advice as to how to get through this. It is getting to the stage of being embarresed to take him out as his behaviour is just so appalling.

Bozza Thu 05-Sep-02 16:48:23

Can't realy advise because we haven't got there yet but I think most two year olds can be pretty anti-social if they put their mind to it. What exactly did the childminder say - did she suggest he was worse than his peers?

sweeper Fri 06-Sep-02 11:48:05

Thanks for the message. She didn't say he was worse than his peers, but the final comment was ' don't worry , they're not all like this, if you have any more they can't be this bad' so my powers of deduction are that he is worse than his peer group. He is as he is, but I really don't know the best way to address it and help him - i've used all the tips and techniques that I can think of - but we're getting nowhere.

star Fri 06-Sep-02 14:44:25

Message withdrawn

aloha Fri 06-Sep-02 15:00:32

What about a parenting course or something. I really hope you don't think this is offensive, but I wondered if someone from the outside, watching your ds, could suggest ways of helping his behaviour (NOT blaming you!). Maybe your GP/HV could suggest something. The ones on Child of Our Time always seem nice! If it really worries you now might be the time to try to intervene to help him change his behaviour.

chloemummy Fri 06-Sep-02 15:01:39

My daughter Chloe has just turned two. she is throwing tantrums but also smacking, nipping and biting. You dont have to take something away from her for them to start. The tantrums can start for no reason. Last night on the way home from the childminders she just started screaming for no apparent reason. I took her out the buggy and she proceeded to throw herself to the ground. When I got home it did not get any easier, so I put her to bed. I really did not know what to do for the best. Any one any suggestions

Lois Fri 06-Sep-02 19:10:31

Hi Sweeper

Have you read the NCT Book of Toddler Tantrums by Penny Hames? I liked the explanations of why toddlers tantrum and although ds is too young for me too practice the coping methods suggested I thought they seemed to make sense.

HTH

badbutterfly Sat 07-Sep-02 18:26:24

Dear Sweeper, it does end! I'm going through it at the moment with my two year old. I actually think it's better if they get it over with now rather than when they start playgroup/nursery. I actually got barred from a toddler group with my son, who is now ten and lovely. As to what to do, I try to make sure I have little snacks with me at all times, as low blood sugar is a well known
trigger for tantrums, as is tiredness. It's not always possible to prevent them though. I wouldn't worry too much. For what it's worth, I quite often feel like lying down on the shop floor kicking and screaming when I can't have what I want.

kkgirl Sat 07-Sep-02 19:52:28

Has anyone experienced it with an older child. My DS is 6 and is hell at the moment, kicking punching, swearing and running off if he can't get his own way or if someone upsets him.
We're at the end of our tether with what to do with him. We've tried all the strategies we can think off

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