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Mummy says no Daddy says yes!(3 Posts)
For about a year now I’ve been undergoing a constant battle with my OH about him undermining my parenting infront of our little girl. For example the other night I was putting her to bed and she asked for something to eat, I had said no because she didn’t eat all her dinner (something else we are battling with as she won’t eat a proper dinner but wants to eat junk) so trying to put a stop to it I said that if she had eaten all of her dinner then she wouldn’t be hungry at bedtime. OH then came in and said why can’t she just have a biscuit, completely throwing out any authority I have out of the window! She wasn’t even hungry, she just wanted to delay the going to bed process! So Oh gave her a biscuit!! Even though I’d said no! I was so angry I could have cried! This happens now and again and I try to explain to my OH that when he does that to me then it shows our daughter that she doesn’t have to ask me or listen to me as she knows daddy will probably say yes! I feel like this is having an affect on her in normal day to day life as she hardly listens to a word I say. I feel like I have no authority, I try to be reasonable with her but I do believe that a parent should be the parent and should have authority over the child.
I have always backed up my wife in front of our children even after separation. I now have a different challenge, agreeing with the ex partner of my son to maintain a combined front. It is really difficult as now some of the things I see happening to the children upsets me.
But certainly things like extra biscuits at night, he should ask if you have said no then back you up, especially as food was left at Dinner time. Dont forget some eat little and often,
I would sit him down and let him know that in order to tackle this, so it doesn’t affect your daughter long term, you both need to be reading from the same page. Also, biscuits at bedtime? Not even the most sensible choice he could offer is it. If you are firm in your offer and they know that is all they can have, they will take it or leave it. For example with my kids if I know they aren’t hungry or are just trying it on I’ll tell them they can have a small drink of water and that is it. Take it or leave it. (I have 3 DS’s and much experience with bed delaying tactics ) If my OH went and got a biscuit I would make it clear in front of my DC that they were absolutely not eating a biscuit right before bed. Unfortunately often one or other of the parents gets to be bad cop more often than good cop. He needs to know he’s her parent first not second.
Your OH is doing what makes it easier in the moment, with total disregard for consequences for the future. He might not like it, but he needs a firm discussion from you too. Good luck OP!