A family support worker has suggested my 3yo may be on the autistic spectrum, more specifically odd.
My concern is that it isn't diagnosed in the UK so unsure what level of support we will get or how he will be diagnosed at all?
He is incredible clever and affectionate. His fine motor and gross motor skills all on point, speech is great etc.
Concerns were raised for a few things; firstly he is extremely sensitive - every emotion is magnified and there seems to be little middle ground; secondly he shakes with a lack of control when he is angry and lashes out violently; thirdly when he is asked not to do something he seems to have a compulsion to do it more, quicker, harder etc.
These behaviours have been seen and noted but waiting to hear back from his referrals.
Me and dad are at breaking point trying to manage him best we can.
Any constructive advice welcome.
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Behaviour/development
ODD
Aimeeleighb · 31/07/2019 23:36
Hi aimeeleighb
ODD isn't usually diagnosed in the UK, but autism-spectrum conditions are. Your DS's issues might be the result of an ASC. The support he gets will depend on exactly what his needs are and (I'm afraid) also on the resources avaiable from the NHS and education authority in your area. My DS has an ASC diagnosis and he could also lash out. He had an individual TA in school (this is unusual nowadays!), and sessions with a social skills group. The biggest benefit was that the assessments made it clear what he found hard so that we - parents, school, clubs - could adapt to his needs, and the lashouts happened much less often. DS's speech and langauge appeared very good but when paediatritian and the speech and langauge therapist talked to him they found that he couldn't manage the non-verbal bits of language - voice tones and facial expressions, recognising the signals about other people's feelings, knowing when someone was joking, etc.
The compulsion to do what he is told not to could be a bit of rigid thinking or a processing delay. What worked for my DS was giving him positive instructions and a bit of time to change direction. Like "Walk near the houses" instead of "stay away from the road". To stop him splashing in a puddle I might say "three more splashes and then stop - three, two, one, and done!" I also used a lot of "count-to-three and consequence" with clear instruction, a small clear consequence, and a slow steady count. I think the count actually helped more than the consequence as it gave him enough time to think, though I made sure that if he hadn't started doing whatever by the time I said "three" the little consequence happened. I kept instructions clear and concrete, I repeated in the same words or shorter, and did not try to explain or justify (unless he asked why) because adding extra verbal information overloaded him. We also used some visual timetables and reminder cards and kept to a routine, so he knew what to do when and he didn't always have to be told.
One other thing was that although DS's lashouts could seem to come out of nowhere, quite often there was a build up of stress behind them that didn't show in his face or demeanor. They could come from a mix of frustration and confusion that would get him into an irrational panic. DH and I did a lot of work on just keeping things calm so he could think straight and communicate - despite having a fine vocabulary he would go non-verbal under stress.
One book I found very helpful for my own DS is Ross Greene's Explosive Child. It's aimed at ODD-ish kids and I found it especially helpful before DS had been assessed, and I used the strategies in combination with ASC-specific stuff afterwards.
Hope you get some answers and support soon. 
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