Have I had post natal depression that has never went away? 5 year old LG

[almostalwayslaura]

My 5 year old daughter is making my life a living misery. Her behaviour is horrendous towards me, and only me. Occasionally her dad will see a slight glimmer of the demon child within her but as she is with me 99.9% of the time and I see it every second of every day. (She is due to start school late August, the nursery never had any issues although did notice the way she acted around me and commented that she was strong willed- stubborn and basically a little madam)

I honestly don’t know what I’ve done wrong. ive always watched super nanny and thought ‘blame the parents’ for their ‘naughty’ behaviour but honestly, I’ve done the majority of it by the book - breastfed, baby led weaning, earth mama rubbish, sticker charts, naughty step! I’ve tried every parenting hack known to the world and she is still a horrendous human being and I am at my wits end!!

She hits, kicks, screams, spits, argues with me all day! She is cheeky and acts like a spoilt brat and that nothing ever phases her - losing toys or missing out on birthday parties, beach visits etc... she doesn’t seem to care!

What do I do?

I am honestly thinking I have post-natal depression that has never went away because although I unconditionally love her, I don’t like her at all and maybe I never have?? She had terrible reflux as a baby and used to scream every waking minute for 9 months until it was diagnosed. I’ve never enjoyed motherhood come to think of it and I am constantly hoping the next stage will be better.

Advice please!!