My 5 year old daughter’s behaviour is making me depressed!!!

[almostalwayslaura]

My first post and I’m desperate!

My 5 year old daughter is making my life a living misery. Her behaviour is horrendous towards me, and only me. Occasionally her dad will see a slight glimmer of the demon child within her but as she is with me 99.9% of the time and I see it every second of every day. (She is due to start school late August, the nursery never had any issues although did notice the way she acted around me and commented that she was strong willed- stubborn and basically a little madam)

I honestly don’t know what I’ve done wrong. ive always watched super nanny and thought ‘blame the parents’ for their ‘naughty’ behaviour but honestly, I’ve done the majority of it by the book - breastfed, baby led weaning, earth mama rubbish, sticker charts, naughty step! I’ve tried every parenting hack known to the world and she is still a horrendous human being and I am at my wits end!!

She hits, kicks, screams, spits, argues with me all day! She is cheeky and acts like a spoilt brat and that nothing ever phases her - losing toys or missing out on birthday parties, beach visits etc... she doesn’t seem to care!

What do I do?

I am honestly thinking I have post-natal depression that has never went away because although I unconditionally love her, I don’t like her at all and maybe I never have?? She had terrible reflux as a baby and used to scream every waking minute for 9 months until it was diagnosed. I’ve never enjoyed motherhood come to think of it and I am constantly hoping the next stage will be better.

Advice please!!

[SmartPlay]

"I am honestly thinking I have post-natal depression that has never went away because although I unconditionally love her, I don’t like her at all and maybe I never have?"

If that's the case, you should really get professional help. First to deal with your depression and feelings in general, and later additionaly to create a positive relationship with your daughter.


"nothing ever phases her - losing toys or missing out on birthday parties, beach visits etc... she doesn’t seem to care!"

Sounds like a power struggle. You should not live against but with each other.

[Mumofoneandanotherontheway]

almostalwayslaura
I’ve literally just put the same post up about my 4yr old boy, and now come across your post.
I’m having the same exact problem, he’s like this with me & his dad, but others don’t see this side to him. I’m waiting for advice, but I really hope it gets better for the both of us because I don’t think I can take much more of this.
Always here to talk xx

[yummiestmama]

Same here...four year old (soon to be 5) boy is so aggressive with me and so defiant.

Everything is a power struggle and I feel like I'm the one doing all the parenting while daddy is either fun or oblivious.

I love my son more than I can say but it's really getting me down and I need to work on some coping strategies for myself.

Today has been tough and I feel like something has to change. I know I need to react differently but sometimes it all gets too much and it's just instinctive to rage.

I guess I feel sad that he does it to me and no one else. I wish I knew what to do.

Parenting is hard isn't it?

[Chocness]

can I join this club too please? In a similar boat with my 4 year old. its so depressing to be constantly in a state of anxiety over his behaviour. I have a baby too and some days are just too much. I find parenting young children so depressing; the constant not being listened to, the complete unreasonableness. I'm a shadow of my former self and it brings me to tears some days when I think back at how much fun and laid back I was pre-children.. keep reminding myself that this is the hardest age but it doesn't help. I'm a sahm and I think that is the problem too, not enough adult company and brain being engaged in things other than anxieties about children's behaviour, eating, sleeping you name it.... You are not alone

[Mumofoneandanotherontheway]

Sending you hugs chocness you sound like me!! X

[BingBo]

Not sure if any genuinely helpful. But I always believed children are entitled to have their own feelings and views that are different from what we feel/see.

So when it comes to power struggle, maybe try to change your position, try to understand what she feels before you judge/jump into conclusion too quickly?

I always remember that in my entire childhood, my mum rarely understood my sensitive side of feelings. I was very easy to cry and she sometimes reacted by saying "ah, you now cry again" or "how is this worth your crying?". She does love me, but she never thought my feeling was mg feeling and never tried to give me a cuddle just to recognise I felt hurt.

So when it comes to my son, I always try my best to see from his angle and always gave him a cuddle even after we had a huge fight. And I think this helped him be my side instead of the opposite.

[BingBo]

By the way, I never believed/used naughty steps. Actually we rarely"punish" DS until recently (as he should be mature enough to understand consequences and his own responsibility).

Punishment is something easily make the little one feel vulnerable.

But every child is different. So not sure how much our way of thinking would be suitable for your household.

[Zebra01]

Hello, just wondering if anyone's child has grown out of this behaviour? Me and my partner are at our wits end with our 4.5 year old son. He's so defiant, shouts and screams at us regularly, will kick and hit and sometimes go to hurt his younger brother (1 year old) when we tell him no and out our foot down. I don't know what we are doing wrong, we've tried all the parenting techniques and nothing works.

[Jomama95]

Has it gotten better over time

[Reedie87]

Had this got better the last few months with your little one?