My 4 year old DS is being a real handful at present. Family who observe him tell me he is "strong willed" (oh hell yes)and that I need to be much firmer with him. My Mum says I am too soft and that he knows exactly how to work us to get his own way. Me - I think I am too close to it all to be objective but I worry all the time about being an over-critical parent. DS is an extremely active and energetic little boy and we have a great deal of difficulty getting him into bed at night if he hasn't burnt off sufficient energy by day.
We recently got two kittens who are lovely and affectionate. DS adores them and they sit by him and purr. It's lovely to see as he didn't have this nice close relationship with our old cat (who pre-dated him by several years). We make a real fuss of him when he is being kind to the kittens.
Trouble is that DS has recently realised that the kittens are a pretty good attention getter when we are busy. We don't ignore DS but sometimes phone calls come or there is housework to do (which we try to involve him in) and it's at these times when our attention is elsewhere that the destructive behaviour starts. He used to chase our old cat from time to time and we used time outs etc which helped in the short term but we are still having to use them alot and so far I cannot see that it is having any effect.
DH is of the opinion that smacking is the way forward but I don't agree with smacking and am not prepared to agree to this.
Today I am at work and I have just had a call from DH to tell me that:
- While they were shopping DS played up so much that DH nearly put everything down we needed to buy and abandon the shop. He managed he says but it was an ordeal from start to finish as DS just would not stay with him - ran off etc.
- (more worrying) is that once home DS wanted to play in the garden. DH said he could. We are lucky enough to have an enclosed garden so DH decided to wash up and watch DS from the kitchen window. He observed DS lift up a large plastic box and clonk one of the kittens on the head with it. DH says DS laughed after he did it. I suggested that DH should have been in the garden with DS but DH told me that this was reality and that housework had to be done sometimes. He feels that we should be able to wash up, take phone calls etc without DS harming the kittens. Is this expecting too much - I sometimes feel he is only 4 and that we are expecting alot when maybe it's closer supervision he needs?
DH said that he'd done time out with DS for his behaviour but that DS justlaughed at him and blew raspberries. DH says that DS has continued chasing the kittens since time out and both kittens are now hiding from him.
Help! I am at the end of my tether. DS is an only child so gets masses of attention from us - certainly much more than if he'd had several brothers or sisters.
My plan is to sit and talk to DS this evening when all has calmed down. He's 4.5 - will be 5 in December. Am I expecting too much from him. I just feel we are straying into seeing him as always bad at the moment. He does plenty of good things which we praise him to the skies for.
He also has something called "sensory integration delay" for which he is due to be assessed by an OT. In new situations it's like sensory overload for his brain and his behaviour is frantic with no real concentration on any one thing. Am not sure if this is affecting his behaviour.
Am at my wits end at the moment. DS starts school in September and at the moment I am worrying that they won't be able to manage him.