My 3 year old is that child who snatches at nursery! I’m out of ideas.

[summ3rs]

Hi everyone. I’ve just picked my 3 year old boy up from nursery and once again he’s been in trouble for snatching and not sharing. This is an ongoing issue and although I know it’s a developmental thing etc, I hate the thought of him snatching and pushing other children. He then gets very upset when he can’t have something. If there are 2 empty watering cans on the floor not being used, he’ll want the one a child is playing with. Any ideas, behaviour charts, strategies etc that others have found useful in this situation, I would be so grateful to hear. I’m hoping this is just a phase. Anyone else dread nursery pick up?

[Flubberyseal]

Oh yes I do! My three year old has a horrible growly voice when other children come near him. He is on constant red alert in case someone wants something he is playing with. He has a speech delay, but is still able to clearly say “no friends!” the minute someone approaches him to play. I’m hoping this is a short lived phase...

[Confusedandworried321]

Yes I dread it. My DS is 3.6 and since February I've been getting comments ranging from he hasn't listened very well today to he's pushed a kid or shouted poo poo etc in kids' faces. I actually went back and forth with the health visitors about his behaviour and he has been referred to a community paediatrician as when the HV observed him, he wasn't really interacting with many kids and was humming car sound effects. He is interested in other kids but I know for certain he doesn't have any friends there.

[summ3rs]

Thank you for your replies. It is so hard isn’t it. I just don’t know how I can support nursery at home with behaviour that he does there. My son also has a speech delay which causes him frustration when not understood. I feel it’s only a matter of time before he gets labelled the ‘naughty boy.’ He’s not interested in charts etc

[Flubberyseal]

Well my ds who is 3.6 doesn’t have friends or play with the other children yet. I sort of thought that would come naturally, but I have been wondering about it. He also likes to do puzzles and carefully lay things out and he doesn’t like it if other children come and get involved in what he is doing, in case they mess it up. I thought it was his personality, but maybe I too should contact my health visitor. Wow, they’re a worry aren’t they

[Confusedandworried321]

Flubbedyseal they really are. I've been so anxious since this all started, and I go back and forth between thinking something is up with my DS to thinking surely it can't be.

I would contact your HV - not suggesting anything is up with your DS at all (have the nursery staff mentioned anything?) - but only because I've learned through going through this that the process is so. Slow. My DS was apparently referred on 20th June, but only because I've been chasing the Children's Centre did I find out today that he isn't even on the list. So the referral has had to be redone. The waiting list to see a paediatrician is 4+ months, so we've basically got another month nearly on top by the time this second referral goes through. So if nothing is up, at least you're on the list and in the system.

[Confusedandworried321]

Flubberyseal sorry, spelled your username wrong.

[Flubberyseal]

Thanks confused. I’ve had little niggly worries, but then I keep dismissing them. He also has quite repetitive play - likes to put things in and out of containers constantly and has been going through a ‘throwing’ schema for I don’t know how long. When I write it down, it all sounds terrible! However, at home he is loving and helpful and is always pointing out birds in the garden and showing an interest in what is going on around him. Nursery staff don’t say too much, but I know what he is like as I’ve seen it first hand. I have to say I don’t have a lot of faith in their professional judgement anyway, so I’m moving him to a new nursery in September, and hopefully they will be able to give me another perspective.

What you said about your ds having no friends really struck a chord with me though. All the other children are greeting each other and playing and mine just seems to worry about someone approaching him and taking his toy!

[Flubberyseal]

Meant to say confused - that must have been really frustrating for you. Sorry to hijack your thread Summe3rs, but I guess we are all in the same boat worrying about our little boys.

[Confusedandworried321]

Yes I have to admit I got a bit cross with the health visitor on the phone today as she was quite rude to me so I was rude back!

My DS does seem to want friends, sort of, but he doesn't make all that much effort and I think doesn't know what to do! I've started another thread about how to help him with his social skills as in fairness to him he's spent almost all of his life with just adults, one on one or with eg me and DH. So he's had no practice and I want to change that before he goes to school nursery. Hopefully I get some useful responses!