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Debilitating separation anxiety in 8 month old(6 Posts)
I’m assuming this is what’s causing DS’s sudden meltdowns for no apparent reason recently.
If I go out of his eye line, he is inconsolable. So going to the toilet, making breakfast or lunch for us both, washing up etc is impossible. The kitchen is attached to the living room, so I keep popping my head in to say I’m still here, he can hear me and usually see me too. But because he’s not right next to me, he gets so upset. I don’t know what to do. I realise this is probably a part of development, but I feel helpless. I already suffer with PND and GAD. I’m seeing a therapist once a week, but to be honest I need practical help. The screaming is unbearable to me and I’m worried it’s becoming detrimental to his long term well being.
He can’t crawl yet, he’s almost there and gets so frustrated when he’s trying to move, but can’t quite do it. He can move a little way by bum shuffling/rolling and a bit of semi crawl/commando crawl. But of course he wants to be able to move properly now.
He’s too heavy for me to carry around all day. He’s over 20lbs and pretty solid.
He’s going to be going to nursery two days a week in September, plus his grandma and grandad will be having him one day (I’m going back to work three days a week). I’m dreading it and how he’ll be now. If he’s like this when I just leave the room.
He’s got the same attachment to his dad.
He’s still in our bedroom, breastfed, although he has bottles of expressed and formula during the day at times. He feeds throughout the night. We’ve even taken the side off his cot and attached to our bed, as he has to be close to us all the time or have a hand on him etc. It’s so exhausting and really affecting my mental health.
Earlier I just did 2 mins of washing up and when I came back in, he was hysterical, snot and tears everywhere and took ages to calm down.
So your mental health needs addressing, I can see you are going to therapy. Have you spoke to your HV, there may be practical support they can refer you to. Also medication an option potentially if you see your GP again.
Everything you've described with your son is totally normal. Most children go through phases of separation anxiety. DD had hers particularly early, it started around 4 months. It started to gradually improve from around 10 months, but all babies are different. She started nursery at 8 and a half months at that time she was still mega clingy but she settled into nursery fine. At 12 months she is much better although still often cries if I put her in her playpen or jumperoo while I make our breakfast or lunch etc. But she's safe and it's only for a few mins when necessary so needs must, I just talk to her or ignore her depending on my state of mind.
It’s not actually separation anxiety it’s the sign of a baby with a normal good attachment. Around this age babies develop object permanency so before this stage something out of site no longer exists so if they drop something they wouldn’t look for it. Now your baby knows things they can’t see exist so when your baby can’t see you he gets upset. It’s a normal stage of development and although frustrating for you it shows you have done a wonderful job and developed a great attachment with your baby. It does get better and you will be able to pee without feeling guilty again.
Get a sling designed for his size for example I used a Tula, so that you can pop him on your back while you are washing up etc.
I thought this was normal, I've accepted I have to take my 12 month old everywhere I go. I sit him in his high chair with a snack or something to entertain him while i quickly try to wash up etc.
Omg yes yes yes. But I never even try to do the washing up with him in a different room... i just take him with me. I have a ball pit set up in the kitchen where he plays while I do kitchen chores, and I basically just carry him wherever I go. I do nip to the loo sometimes but I pick my moments carefully! I spend much of the day out and a out with him in a front facing carrier. He likes seeing everything but also likes being close to me. I'm assuming they just grow out of it but for now I just do what I have to do to keep him happy.
He is 22lbs so similar to yours. I used yo find him heavy but I've found the more you carry them the stronger you get and now I find carrying him much easier than I did when he was lighter!! It is easier with a carrier though but i only use that out and about. Like yours he is also desperatw to crawl. He is also going to be going to nursery 3 days a week from September and I have no idea how that's going to go! A lot can change in 2 months though I guess... that's a large chunk of their little lives!!
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