I'm hoping some of you might have some tips on how your partners bonded with their baby.
My little girl is just over 13 weeks old now. She's at that wonderful stage where she regularly smiles a lot while looking directly at you.
She's mainly BF, my girlfriend wasn't producing enough milk for the first couple of weeks so we supplemented with a bottle before bed. It's my girlfriend's third child and she's in her late 30s so when we worked out that the 'bedtime bottle' meant another couple of hours sleep before she woke for a feed, we decided to keep it going. It also gave me a chance to be involved.
But she's understandably still very clingy to her mum. In the right mood she's fine with me, and when she wants to play she's absolutely fine with me. But I'm having trouble taking some of the burden off my girlfriend because of how frequently she'll scream and cry for her. Sometimes she wants the breast, sometimes just mummy's arms.
In the evenings and at the weekends I'll take her a lot to give me girlfriend a break. Sometimes she's ok as long as I walk around with her, very occasionally she'll accept me sitting down with her, mostly she'll be entirely unimpressed. Her two older girls are 4 and 9 and we're trying hard to make sure she gets time with them too (although I've lived there for nearly three years and have a close bond with both, and they're actually both coping great and adore the baby.)
During the day my girlfriend doesn't really get to put her down much, she mostly wakes up as soon as she's settled down - so it's 20 minutes once or twice tops. My girlfriend is stressing about the house not being pristine as a result. I'm doing what I can in the evening after everyone else is in bed (although my girlfriend also likes me to be there at that point, which I miss too.) I think it's ok for us to drop our standards a little for the next couple of months - three kids is hard when one is a baby! I genuinely feel like anyone who might peer in and judge us can just go f* themselves - is this unreasonable? We're cooking proper meals for the kids, the washing up and laundry gets done, there's not half-eaten food lying around or anything.
Sorry, kind of all spilled out so I guess it's two things:
- Any tips on helping a dad bond with his baby? I'm taking five months paternity leave at the end of the year and would like to have a close bond going at that point, but I guess that might also be the opportunity to really work on it.
- Any tips on helping my girlfriend accept that when neither of us are relaxing for a second before we get to bed, we probably can't expect more of ourselves? We do get a cleaner in once a fortnight. I just want her to relax and enjoy this as much as possible (she didn't really get to with the first two.)