My 10 month old hates me

[user1496231209]

My daughter is 10 months old and she just seems to hate me.
She's always been a very very difficult baby, crying constantly, high needs and hard to please. I thought it was getting better, in fact it did around a month ago but then it started going downhill again.
She spends her crying and doing outbursts of high pitches squealing which has been going on for months. The high pitched squealing has no rhyme or reason behind it as she's not upset or anything.
She hits me, scratches me, pinches me and hates being cuddled up to me she just pushes me away, eve when she's upset she can't wait to get away from me. She can't be left for a single moment even when I'm in sight and talking to her.
I'm sat here sobbing my eyes out cause it's almost like I'm grieving the baby I was meant to have. She's my first daughter and I was so excited I can't even explain when I was pregnant and especially when I found out she was a girl as I've already got a son.
Now it's 10 months down the line and it just feels like I've been going through hell the past 7 months with her. I can't get a break as I've got no friends or family and she sees her dad once every two weeks and she's an angel for him apparently. I feel like the worst mum in the whole world and like this behaviour must be my fault and she clearly deserves a better mum. I had my son at 17 and he was a little darling and such a wonderful baby that this is all just too much for me to handle.
I keep hoping it'll change and she'll change but it never happens. Sometimes I feel as though I could just walk about and she'd not even care.

[growlingbear]

That must be really upsetting for you.

There's a few things it could be. One is autism. Autistic babies scream in a high pitched manner and can often react stiffly and badly to touch. If she avoids eye contact, that's another sign. But it may not be you she's screaming at. It could be your clothes - the colour or sensation of them.

Try being a bit clinical about it and wearing different clothes of various colours and textures to see if she is calmer with some than others.

Same with any scents on you, bath gel or perfume or hair products. Autism can include very intense sensory reactions.

DS2 has ASD. As a baby he squealed and screamed and was always stiff and arched away if I picked him up (was fine with my friend and DH) It made me feel so unwanted by my own baby. But now, he's 17 and the huggiest person in the world. I get far more hugs from him and have for years than from his neurotypical older brother.

Another thing it could be is reflux (also a symptom of autism, but not necessarily) or colic. If the baby is in agony whenever they feed and they associate you with feeding time, then they will also associate you with agonising pain. It's a horrible thing to happen for both of you. (Had this with DS2 as his reflux was severe.) Look into it, and try some things like Infacol and Colief or baby Gaviscon to see if it soothes her.

I know this is really annoying advice (because I hated it when it was given to me) but it really is true: try not to get worked up about it. Try to stay calm and cheerful around her, to talk in soothing tones and act like all is well. The more upset we get, the more they pick up on our anxiety and it becomes a vicious circle.

And remember there's years to go yet. Maybe you don't bond easily as a mother and baby pair. That doesn't mean you won't bond brilliantly as mother and toddler pair or mother and pre-schooler/infant/juniors/teen. They're only babies for a very short time. It's the long term that matters. DS2 and I could not be closer. I couldn't love anyone more than him but we had a very rocky start similar to what you're describing

[AladdinMum]

Was about to reply but the previous poster has said it all perfectly. It does sound extreme, and very hard, sending you a big hug :( Highly unlikely that that she is screaming at you personally or that she hates you (babies don't understand hate) but probably she is screaming at some aspect that is associated with you, like your clothing, smell, food, etc or the environment around her like sounds, light or even the clothes that she is wearing (the labels on the inside) - if she is hypersensitive (sensory concern) she is literally going into survival mode, it's like an attack on her sense. Please raise your concerns with your GP/HV.

[MRex]

@growlingbear has covered it all very well. Just wanted to add some sympathy, I'm sure your DD loves you dearly she's just having a hard time. It's easy to take things out on mum because you're always there for her, so she's safe to be grumpy with you. I hope you work out how to help her.

[Smith888]

I have no doubt you are having a difficult time, but to think a ten month old could hate you - is it possible you have post natal depression? Also your baby seems unwell. Could this be colic or silent reflux? Can you have her assessed by an osteopath and at the same time discuss with your GP?

[ttrrii]

@user1496231209
How is your DD doing now?