Help! 5 year old daughter becoming aggressive

[alibali88]

I’m in desperate need of advice/guidance/even just to know I’m not the only one going through this.

My 5 year old daughter has always been a very timid, polite, well mannered child. No behavioural/emotional issues, development all normal for age and stage, no health issues.

She started school in August last year and since then she’s become a different child. Started with her being cheeky, pushing boundaries etc but we thought it was due to starting school, being overwhelmed, over stimulated, tired etc.

Since then it’s got progressively worse. She has toddler type tantrums most days (which she never even had as a toddler) crying, screaming, banging doors, walls, throwing things, this can go on for 30 mins-2 hours. She kicks off at the slightest thing, even asking her to pick up her shoes or take a bath. In the last few days she’s become physical with me - pushing, hitting, pulling hair. She’s very controlling and tries to manipulate people and situations. She also won’t go to bed now, never been an issue before.

Things are escalating and its taking its toll on my partner and i’s relationship. I work full time and am so exhausted all the time, I feel really low and am just waiting for the next kick off.

I’ve tried: talking it out, leaving the room, ignoring her, grounding her, no tv, reward chart, we’ve made family rules...none of them effective.

Any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated 💛

[HennyPennyHorror]

It sounds like she's finding school a lot to cope with and is letting it all out at home.

I bet if you speak to her teacher, you;ll be told she's an angel in school.

One of mine did this...also a lovely, peaceful child until she began school.

Have you asked the teacher how she's coping day to day?

[alibali88]

Thanks Henny.

Yeah her teacher says she’s an angel, meeting the usual expectations for primary 1, never any issues or challenging behaviour.
She’s got a healthy social group and a best friend who she also sees outside of school.

x

[HennyPennyHorror]

What's her sleep and diet like? Does she go to bed well? Eat a good diet? Much processed stuff?

[rosieswain]

I could have written this!! Exactly the same situation here with DD who is 5 and started school last Sept. Only difference here is my DD unfortunately isn't an angel at school either 😢 They're also having issues with her being a 'bit mean' is how they described it. She's also pushed others on occasions, mostly when they won't comply with her...she's really bossy. It's so frustrating as I feel like we've done a bad job of parenting, when actually she was lovely up until starting school 😢 Sorry no answers but just letting you know we're going through the same. School weren't much help here tbh either 🙄

[alibali88]

Henny...

She’s never been a great sleeper since she was a baby. Up until about 3 weeks ago, she would go to bed when I tucked her in. Now she just gets back up and does whatever she wants til she’s ready to go to sleep then demands to be tucked in at that time.

Diet wise - she has a good balanced diet, plenty of fruit, water, no fizzy juice, doesn’t overdo it with sweets or chocolate or junk food.

[alibali88]

Hi Rosie’s...

I understand what you mean by ‘mean’ and bossy. She’s like that with her friends too, I’ve noticed it now she’s outside playing with them. She tries to wind them up to get a negative reaction so she call tell on them. She excludes other children aswell.

I feel like I’ve done a bad job of parenting and must be something I’ve done/not done to result in this. There’s flashes of the old child there now and then but mostly she’s really horrible to be around ☹️

[rosieswain]

Literally could have written your post 😢 It's so sad isn't it. Not sure what we do either? I keep loosing the plot with her, which I know is completely the wrong thing to do, but it's so hard to listen to your child essentially bullying other children really isn't it 😕 Pre school stating my DD was kind, funny, knew how to share etc (obvs not 100% of the time but mostly) and now she's cheeky, rude and quite aggressive at times..scary how things can go so downhill in 10months x

[rosieswain]

I've had another baby too in Aug last year so I guess my DD had new school/new baby all at once..but tbh I'm sick of people using that as an excuse now! She's had loads of attention from DH, myself and extended family and she's far from the only child to get a new sibling 🤷🏼‍♀️😆

[alibali88]

Oh Rosie’s...I don’t know what to do either. Wish we could wave a magic wand.

I completely understand what you mean about excuses. I always hear that it’s because she was settling into school then because it was Xmas then because we were away on holiday...it’s excuse after excuse but I’m not convinced its any of the above ☹️