14 month old with a volcanic temper(17 Posts)
My ds is the sweetest little guy, all blond curly hair and blue eyes - but he has the most volcanic temper. When he was a couple of days' old he got so cross that I had no milk the mw thought he was ill and got the paed. he's been the same since - if I put him in his buggy he goes into such a rage, he screams so much he can be sick. He wants to be on the floor all the time, but today I picked him up and he went into another rage, flung his head back and nearly broke my nose. He is incredibly strong and weighs nearly as much as my 3 yr old dd2.
What can I do for now and in the immediate future, to help keep him calm and from hurting himself and others? And what about the long term, both as an older child and teen? Dh is aware he might not set the best example and wants to set things right - any book ideas?
next time your DS goes into a rage/tantrum...get him straight into the playpen without the toys as that way he cant hurt himself or you and that be his timeout to calm down. You must go into another to wait for him to calm down
i remember when my DD had a bad tantrum when she was 16m old...it was literally over nothing but i had to put her in her playpen before anything gets out of hands
He makes himself sick though. I never had this with the dds, it's a bit of ashock. And he can be so sweet, he gives us the biggest slobbery hugs!
just a stab in the dark have you tried changing his food?? my ds was completely hyeractive which turned to aggression, i have since discovered that he is intollerant to various foods. since changing his diet he has calmed down alot. might be worth a try!!!
My friend's dd (18 months) does the throwing up thing. I think it started by accident but now she can vomit on demand, basically whenever she doesn't get what she wants immediately, and also when she goes to bed. The advice for them was to clean her up then put her straight back or whatever, but don't give any extra attention for the throwing up. I know this is really difficult but my friend's now in the situation where the little darling is running the show.
Sounds to me like you've just got one of those bright determined ones (I have 3 with these tendencies!). Can't do much about personality - just ride it out and try to emerge still in control. Distraction at a certain moment works some of the time with my angry 16 month old, and also anticipating tricky moments, e.g. I give her the cracker before she goes in the supermarket trolley rather than wait for the tantrum.
- that must have hurt so much!. Read somewhere that signalling in advance what you're going to do next can help. Something about letting them get used to the idea before it happens. Been doing that all along with DD but maybe she'd have been 'easy' anyway like your DD. If it has to happen but he disagrees I'm a bit stuck. Ummm... explain, try some sort of compromise or deal like kamikayzed said? Give him an alternative that's acceptable to you but gives him a chance to assert himself???
Book ideas - maybe Secrets of the Baby Whisperer for Toddlers?
Thanks everyone. Distraction doesn't work, he just takes what I give him and hurls it. It worked with my dds of course - dd1 never really had tantrums and dd2 whines rather than gets angry. Leaving him doesn't work either - I'm not a big fan of that but sometimes I have to as the other two need their breakfast or dinner. I do the 'I'm picking you up now' thing - I like the Baby Whisperer too - but, no, that doesn't work. It's tiring and distressing - dd2 leaves the room whenever he starts and sometimes won't finish her dinner. A couple of days' ago he grabbed her hair and pulled her over backwards - he was only playing but that is how strong he is and poor dd2 doesn't understand.
maybe I need a new thread re dh...
I agree with KTN about the vomiting thing. My ds did this. To be quite honest, once they've thrown up, that's that weapon out of their arsenal really You clean it up and proceed as you were without any change and you relax because basically they can't do it again.
You and DH should both read 'raising boys' by Steve Biddulph which is fantastic for showing what boys need and also for showing dads just HOW important they are; how important their example is; and how as children get older, it only becomes MORE important.
I'd say always talk to your ds, try to get his agreement on things and do things as a team with him; wherever possible don't just pick him up and plonk him, try to make it part of his play, for example going in the buggy can be going in the racing car etc etc.
Make sure you keep his boundaries really clear, and fair; ignore LOTS more than you think you should; trust him, he will grow up fine, you really don't need to leap on everything...just keep telling him and showing him what is acceptable. Keep your consequences for the really bad stuff.
If you're doing that, then you're doing all you can. Don't be distracted by the tantrums and the vomit; believe me I know it's hard, but don't let him make you worry too much. He'll be fine.
No, I don't think it's anything to do with being a boy.
It's to do with being a child!
However Raising Boys is a fab book and gives very specific advice for bringing up a boy which is what the OP was asking for "What about the long term both as an older child and teen?".
Thank you. We have all Biddulph's books, I read Raising Boys when ds was tiny so obviously need to go back to it. getting dh to read it, however...
I am aware that I am in danger of labelling ds. The men in dh's family all have tempers and some have been in prison b/c of them.
Lots of sympathy - we have dd#2 with a foul temper too - likewise attempts to divert the temper are usually met with the item offered being flung across the room. DD#1 is just so much more mellow in comparrison. If we can catch DD#2 before the temper goes sometimes we can get away with it though. For us I find that if she gets lots of attention much of the time then things stay ok for the most part. I do not however allow her to control me - when it is bed time it is bed time etc. If she does throw a wobbly and we cant get her out of it, I start with the bottom stair telling her to come back when she has calmed down, but if that does not work after a short time I put her up in her cot so I can not lose it with her. Often just 10 minutes up there and then to go up to her, crying or not, and she will then accept a cuddle or bottle and calm down. She is at her worst if she is tired and hungry together so I do my best to give her healthy snacks between meals to try and avoid the meltdown if we can. DD#2 is 16 months by the way - but pretty good with her language and understanding for her age too.
I hope some of that helps you. Good luck
Has anyone tried baby signing? My DS was having tantrums at around 8months wjilst eating meals, resulting in food splatted parents, dog and walls. Baby signing has helped a lot. He can indicate enough, more, hungry, etc and it is now translating to other difficult situations. I can see what is coming before the rest of the world does, aso at least get the chance to distract DS.
beautifulgirls, I wonder if birth order is at the root of it. Dd1 was pretty chilled as a toddler but then she had me all to herself. Dd2 is much more whingey, but she's had to share me. And ds, who is third in, has to shout the loudest to be heard - I simply can't give him the attention that dd1 got, I have three aged 5 and under. Andinterstingly dd1's behaviour, while still pretty good, has got more challenging since last yr - I'd put it down to starting school but maybe having ds is a factor too.
Yellowpoo, I've never done baby signing. Maybe it's just having three babies closish together but I usually spot ds' needs pretty quickly. (we still get food up the walls but that is because he likes throwing it there!) <sigh> The problem isn't that I don't know what his needs are but that a lot of the time I am not in a position to meet them.
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