15 month old very boisterous

[Sallyseagull]

My DS is very boisterous and headstrong, he throws toys, has a meltdown if you don't let him have anything, won't sit for group activities (toddler groups) etc.

I'm prepared for people to say it's normal behaviour but I'm starting to get worried that this will turn into him being naughty. When I tell him 'no' he just looks at me, smiles and carries on even if I say it in a disciplinarian tone.

I don't know what to do, I feel I should be diciplinning or setting rules and guidelines but age suitable ones.

He isn't aggressive, even when throwing things it's almost out of frustration or not wanting a particular toy so he just throws it behind him without looking (so I'm worried he will hurt other children at playgroup).

Any advice?

[4cheekymonkey]

HI Op (recognise you from my shark thread) sitting down for structured activities at playgroup, I wouldn't worry too much. Their attention span isn't very long at this age and it can hugely vary from one child to another. He might be one who needs the constant exercise to keep him happy. Might be hugely sporty later on.As Their language starts to develop as i noticed with mine they were more likely to get frustrated around this age as can't quite Express themselves.
If he starts getting a bit frustrated at playgroup you could always take him aside to give him time to calm down. I used to have to do that and sometimes it took us longer than others. It is a phase I think they go through and start learning things.
Hope it passes quickly X

[PeppermintPatty10]

Hi, this is normal behaviour for a ‘spirited child’ - what they call children who are more intense than others. I have one calm child and one toddler who is just like yours.
They used to call such children words like difficult, stubborn and a handful. Thankfully now there is more advice on how to handle and nurture this temperament.
The book ‘Raising your spirited child’ for me was a godsend - taught me not only coping strategies for eg Playgroups, but also how to appreciate my son’s special nature. Please don’t get into the cycle of thinking he is naughty!
Would really recommend the book. Let me know how you get on!

[Sallyseagull]

Thank you both so much, some days I feel like crying as he can be such a handful so it's nice to hear I'm not alone and also get the reccomendation of the book (which I will get asap!).

[PeppermintPatty10]

Your son is really lucky to have such a thoughtful mummy. You’ve recognised that he is energetic and boisterous rather than just labelling him as naughty (which he definitely isn’t).
I don’t know any 15 month olds who would respond to ‘No!’ - they don’t have the self control until much much older.
I know, parenting this type of child takes up a lot more energy than the calm ones! Make sure you get enough of a break and rest.
The way the book describes it is that spirited children feel things in a range that isn’t available to other children. For me, that made it sound more like a talent than a problem. In terms of actual techniques to get through the day, it describes things you can do.
My son has just had a 25 minute meltdown simply because he woke up from his nap and wasn’t in the playground anymore, so there isn’t always an answer except to stay with them!

[Sallyseagull]

@PeppermintPatty10 thank you, your kind words made me tear up. I definitely don't think he's naughty but I worry as he gets older others will see him this way.

I read a book before he was born about raising happy children and it talked about championing your children so I'm definitely of the mind that he just needs to find something he likes and steer him towards that and encourage him to burn off his energy that way or keep his mind as active as it needs to be. It's just difficult when he's so young at the moment, isnt walking or talking so unable to communicate his needs. I'm sure the communication aspect is why he throws toys without a care in the world, I'm just so worried he will launch one at another child by accident because he just isn't looking where he throws them.

The news book has been ordered and is arriving early next week! I feel like I've got homework to do

[Sallyseagull]

New book*

[PeppermintPatty10]

No you’re doing brilliantly to actually think about your son’s individual temperament and how to help him.
Sorry one more thing is that I think you should use your judgement as to what activities are appropriate for your son. Eg I wouldn’t book mine into a sit down music class, as he would keep running away and climbing things. So I take him to physical soft plays and playgrounds where he can burn off some energy.
I think for his happiness and our relationship I minimise taking him the places where I’m going to be saying ‘No don’t do that’ - it’s not fair to put him in that position. Try and find places where everything’s allowed so that he gets a lot of ‘yes’ time.
At the weekend we stupidly took him to a restaurant within a glass-filled wine shop - total disaster!! what were we thinking?!
Def ask any more questions because I’d asked my friend who has a son a few months older than mine, and had got a lot of good tips!

[Lara53]

My DS1, now 16, was like this - very intense, energetic, noisy, boisterous etc. It was very hard to handle at the toddler stage, but better when we had consistent structure each day. We hardly used to spend any time at home as he was ‘more intense’ at home. We went out every morning - either to gym class, music group or swimming or toddler group. As he got older I gradually increased nursery sessions and he loved the constant stimulation from other kids/ adults. On days we didn’t have plans I’d take him for a really long walk/ feed the ducks/ visit the park etc to break up the day and get out of the house. We even got well known at our Tesco cafe as we’d often be there for breakfast at 6:30 am!!!

Looking back now I know it’s just his personality - he’s still loud, boisterous etc, but can control himself. I had so many strangers, friends and even relatives pass judgement on his behaviour/ my parenting and tell me he had ADHD etc. He is a very bright young man and I think just got frustrated when young and unable to communicate. He thrived at Nursery and school and is now taking GCSE’s with all subjects predicted to get top grades.