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Answering back - a question

(10 Posts)
Notquitegrownup Fri 20-Jul-07 18:51:42

As mentioned on another thread, ds1 (7) has been getting rude recently - the answering back sort of rude, not the smutty sort! It's been sneaking up on us, but I'm in the process of putting my foot down. A question:

When I ask him/tell him not to do something, he has been answering back - "No, I wasn't", "No I didn't" - it's the tone of voice that is particularly offensive. Do you focus on the main thing that you were remonstrating about, or do you move to discuss the rude answering back and get distracted from the original issue, or do you manage to address both?

Porpoise Fri 20-Jul-07 18:53:44

ah, 7: the age of cheek and backchat. Isn't it great?
For what it's worth, I concentrate on tone of voice most of the time.
Have a saying of my dad's that I trot out (probably very annoyingly!): 'whoever you are, wherever you are, you're always wrong if you're rude'

lilolilmanchester Fri 20-Jul-07 18:55:30

I've no idea, but have same problem so looking forward to hearing others' advice. I usually end up getting cross about the answering back but then main issue get's forgotten. Hope there's some good advice coming on this one!

Ulysees Fri 20-Jul-07 18:57:08

DS1 was like this at 7 and is starting again now he's almost 10. I take his nintendo off him as it's his first love

Notquitegrownup Fri 20-Jul-07 19:30:26

Ooh I like that Porpoise (though yes, I can imagine it being annoying from a dc's point of view, unless said totally sincerely!)

Glad to meet a fellow sufferer lilolil! Thinking about it whilst running the bath, I guess the answer is to pick your battles -ie decide what the main issues are and focus on that for a while. If it is the backchat then get it is under control, if it is something else more important then don't be disctacted by backchat. (Now why didn't I think of that before?!)

Ulysees - glad to hear we've got a couple of good years to look forward to. Ds has gone off his ps2, unless it's very rainy like today. Telly ban works for us - though it's a while since we had one. Hmmmm - I feel a telly ban coming on!

PutThatInYourPipeandSmokeIt Fri 20-Jul-07 22:59:30

oh god - my DH is like that - he always answers back and has to have the last say - I rarely say anything at all and it takes me weeks to pluck up the courage to say anything to him because of his reaction, so I know for a fact that I'm not constantly criticising him e.g. tell him I've noticed he keeps forgetting to turn lights off (he's always rolocking me for leaving them on!).

I will watch this thread with interest!

lilolilmanchester Fri 20-Jul-07 23:12:24

Notquitegrown up - came to the same conclusion myself - after reading your initial post!

collision Fri 20-Jul-07 23:15:18

Oh we have this but the worst of it is that ds2 is only 2.7years.

I said to him, 'Careful ds2, if you stand on that car you could break it or fall over!'

He screamed (very articulately!) 'Dont you say those words to me Mummy! You make me so sad!'

What the hell.....?

lilolilmanchester Fri 20-Jul-07 23:31:09

My DD (9) is the world's greatest back-answerer. Will try Porpoise's Dad's approach on her.
My DS (14) answers too many things with "whatever". I use that back to him sometimes and it really annoys him - but gets the message across. Of course, you can't use that approach with younger children, but reminds me that I'm really looking forward to him ("his" for PTIYMASI -won't make sense to anyone who hasn't seen that thread!) having his own home, visiting, and leaving wet towels/dirty clothes etc all over the place.

bouquet Sat 21-Jul-07 19:18:33


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