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Sensible but oversensitive....2 yr old who seems to dislike boisterous toddlers

(5 Posts)
boo64 Fri 20-Jul-07 14:08:35

Hi

Just had a playdate over and ds (just two) was a complete nightmare. He whined a lot, and every time the other little one came over he had a meltdown. She tried to pinch him at one stage and he just totally lost it (even though I made out she was just being friendly ) He used to be like this but had grown out of it and has been fine at nursery - the staff aren't at all worried about him and once he gets to know specific children and trust them he seems happier.

I think he dislikes boisterous (i.e. most) toddlers - as we had similar when a little boy came over the other day who was into everything and trampling around everywhere.

Ds is unusually sensible - takes care of things, doesn't touch the computer, e.g. if he puts the music on and wants to change the CD (which we allow him to as he is sensible) he takes the old one out and carefully puts it in a CD case!)

So when typical boisterous toddlers come over I think he just doesn't understand why they are trying to trash everything and also maybe feels threatened that his space has been invaded by a more confident child who is running around with his toys?

He definitely has also had a thing about me talking to my friends when he is in this situation and I think he gets jealous so tries to get attention.

Not sure what I am asking here but it was all very stressful and I'm kind of wondering if I should just avoid playdates or keep trying and hope he'll get used to it all regardless of what type of child is over?

I could of course just invite more similar kids to him instead of boisterous ones but this doesn't seem practical as sometimes it is my long standing friends we are having over with their children and so I can't be so picky!

Bit worried he is destined to be a loner all his childhood!

Strangely we had a massive birthday party for him and loads of kids came and adults and he loved it....

Sorry to ramble on!!

Any tips/ ideas?

Rantmum Fri 20-Jul-07 14:25:09

Sounds completely normal to me - think about it, you have invited another child into your ds's space and that child wants to play with all of ds's toys!!!

It is different from being in a neutral environment like nursery because the toys belong to ds and he is understandably territorial about them. Most children do not even begin to understand the concept of "sharing" until they are closer to 3 and even then, they are not very good at it!

One other child is direct competition, for toys, for attention etc and your ds is probably a bit overwhelmed. I would still have your friends and their children over, but make sure that they know that he is in a phase where he finds this one-to-one interaction difficult and so limit the amount of time that they stay to no more than an hour. And try to not let it wind you up (easier said than done, I know) because more than anything, toddlers take their queues from you. If he gets wound up, just take him out of the room for a minute or two and let him cool off. Also, really emphasise how much fun it is going to be when the other child comes over, ahead of the visit.

In time, it will become a more normal part of your ds's life and he will actually beg you to let him have friends over!

Best of luck!

bobblehead Fri 20-Jul-07 15:28:25

Hi boo
my dd is the same age and very similar. Also doesn't like me talking to my friends and always udes to sat "no talking" when we did though that has subsided a lot last couple of months. No advice, I would keep with the playdates for your own sanity and I suspect it will get easier as other toddlers "catch up" and become more sensible!

boo64 Fri 20-Jul-07 17:08:39

Yes you are right hopefully the others will calm down a bit!

Not sure the playdates help my sanity - today's definitely damaged it!!

Mine too has been much better recently with the jealousy when I am talking to friends so maybe today was a one-off regression.
I hope so because that phase was tough on one's social life!

But I do think it was more about the other little one invading his space in such a boisterous way and being all over everything before ds had even moved a step or two!

I also found I had left lots of stuff lying around that ds is fine with but the other little one was trying to break so maybe a bit my fault.

I hope my friends aren't thinking they aren't going to come over again as it was all too stressful though...

Any other advice out there would be great too!

boo64 Fri 20-Jul-07 19:00:12

ah something of an explanation - dh only just told me that apparently this little one today had hurt him in the past when I wasn't there by pinching him hard. So that was probably why he was so wary. I'm sure average toddlers wouldn't be so fussed about stuff like that but as he is quite a wuss mine is!!

But lovely too....

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