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URGENT: Would you 'force' your 5 year old to go to last day of school if they ABSOLUTELY didn't want to go???

(67 Posts)
MrsBigD Fri 20-Jul-07 07:53:33

DD is begging me not to go to school. Not because she's feeling ill, but 'because my legs hurt and I don't want to go'. Tried to find out if anything happened at school that upset her, but I know her and another girl have been vying for 'top dog' position - quite funny really considering they're only 5!

Tried 'it's the last timeyou'll see your little friends for a while' 'it's last day of school so it's special' and even 'if you don't go you can't have your hair cut this afternoon' (which she really needs to have done as she looks like a shaggy dog atm)...

Would you make her go?


pigleto Fri 20-Jul-07 07:55:15

you can go late. you need to be there for the last half hour though.

slinkyjo Fri 20-Jul-07 07:55:45

lol na i wouldnt if she doesnt want to go she doesnt want to go, its the last day,is not as if they are actually gonna be learning anything,

MrsBigD Fri 20-Jul-07 07:55:50

be there for last half hour???

RGPargy Fri 20-Jul-07 07:56:19

I'd really try and get her there. She'll be ok once she's there.

MrsBigD Fri 20-Jul-07 07:57:41

we have not progressed to her holding on to the sofa for dear life shouting 'don't want to go' when I started trying to get her dressed... argh

summerunderakaftan Fri 20-Jul-07 08:02:18

TBH knowing my dd I would say ok but we will get you dressed and see how you feel when it is time to go and just go on with the morning with no discussion about it when it is time to go see how it is and if she really really won't go then stay at home. I tend to try and get my dd out the door though because as soon as schol is in sight she runs off as normal to go see her friends.
My dd is also the type that half way through the morning would say but I want to go and it normally coincides with something boring like a trip to the supermarket.

FloriaTosca Fri 20-Jul-07 08:04:52

Not being a mum yet myself I suppose I shouldnt comment but I saw my Mum go through hell with my brother, who had developed school phobia and worked himself up into an asthma attack every morning on the walk to school....but she never "gave in"; ....cajoling him into wanting to go didnt work, she just had to lay down the law and take him right to the school door....though she used to phone school to see how he was as soon as she got home and always felt horribly guilty all day..eventually she had to resort to seeing a child psychologist who said she was doing the right thing, that pandering to him would have made things worse.
I suppose it is common sense that if you say ok to a day off this time she'll think she can do it again next term when she doesnt want to face something.
My personak reaction is; best to be cruel to be kind and make her do the last day ... she'll probably enjoy it in the end!
good luck

Budababe Fri 20-Jul-07 08:08:42

Last day is usually fun isn't it?

Are they having a little party or anything - ours usually do.

MrsBigD Fri 20-Jul-07 08:10:33

when dd was in her previous school we had 'don't want to go' at least twice a week and I just got her dressed and took her there. Since we've moved she's actually enjoyed going to school. The last 2 weeks however we had the odd occassion where she absolutely didn't want to go, whcih coincided with her having a slight temperature (usually the only reason I keep her home).

She just proclaimed that BoyX keeps pushing her over. He's in Year 2.

I get the point about 'facing things' but wondering whether it's really worth dragging her there in hysterics (that's where we're at at the moment and I'm sitting here not responding because I'm about to loose it)

MrsBigD Fri 20-Jul-07 08:11:40

Budababe I already told her it's a fun day not a learning day and it's special assembly with price giving...

also tried the 'you ARE going' but that resulted in mentioned hysterics...

and now ds (2.9) is picking up on it and driving me insane

elliott Fri 20-Jul-07 08:12:25

Yes, because otherwise it will become harder and harder. Somethings just aren't optional are they?

IsabelWatchingItRainInMacondo Fri 20-Jul-07 08:16:45

I would reassure her and take her, even if she stills thinks she doesn't want to go. I would do it under the principle that I don't want DS to perceive "going to school" as negotiable.

The way I manage it is by explaining that sometimes we have to do things we don't feel like doing, for example going to work (followed by a big "uuuuurgh!!!" ), telling DS why I feel like not going to empathise a bit, and finally saying that I have no option I can not not go.

Sometimes promising a treat at the end of the day may works its magic.

coffeepot Fri 20-Jul-07 08:16:46

I'd make her go - not because I think they'll
do anything important on the last day, but because if you let her stay at home you may be storing up problems for the future.
Good Luck!
Sure she'll enjoy it when she gets there!

Tommy Fri 20-Jul-07 08:17:13

you should just take her - she doesn't have a choice about going to school - nor do you.

I often say "You know, I have to do lots of things that I don't want to do - that's just the way it is....."

She will be fine when she gets there anbd sad if she misses it

summerunderakaftan Fri 20-Jul-07 08:18:36

You know if she is really that upset about it then stay at home she may be feeling off colour if this is out of the norm. It is the last day of term just keep her home. Fair enough if it was an important day or ususal term time I would be trying to get her there and get to the bottom of it but for fun day on the last day if that isn't coaxing her don't put either of you through it.

RubyRioja Fri 20-Jul-07 08:20:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Blandmum Fri 20-Jul-07 08:20:29

I'd take her.

I don't like sports day much but I still have to go

harpsichordcuddler Fri 20-Jul-07 08:30:33

I would say that she has to go and school attendance is not optional. I would also ask her to tell you why she doesn't want to go, and say that you will do what you can to help her deal with it.
I would also bribe her with something when she gets home! trip to pizza restaurant or park or whatever. don't make it conditionalbut say oh that's a shame I was planning to take you to X because it's the end of term, now we won't be able to go

MrsBigD Fri 20-Jul-07 08:32:51

harpsi, tried bribery and 'punishment' in 'if you're not going to school you're not having your haircut' she had earned her haircut by collecting stickers for good behaviour and even that didn't work!

Spoke to school and they said to keep her home as they noticed that she was a bit under the weather and very emotional yesterday. So hoping she's not coming down with anything!

FloriaTosca Fri 20-Jul-07 08:57:30

If you really aren't going to take her I would let her know it is because "school gave you permisson for the day off", not that you had sided with hewr and also make sure that I cancelled the hair cut appointment too (no matter how inconvenient) or she will have "won" on all fronts...From personal experience my mother wouldn't have allowed any tv or toys..I'd have been plonked on the sofa (if my legs hurt so much I couldnt manage school) with a book or two for the whole day....she was good at making school preferrable to home!

LilRedWG Fri 20-Jul-07 09:00:29

Why don't you see if she wants to go in, with you, for the last half hour this afternoon. She might feel brighter by then and enjoy it, especially if she knows it's for a short time and Mummy will be there.

SueW Fri 20-Jul-07 09:02:14

I would also take her.

Same experience here as a child wrt to home not being a nice place to be if not at school - we were kept in bed if we were too ill to go to school. I can't remember ever being off school if not ill though. Also would not have been allowed out to play that evening etc.

babygrand Fri 20-Jul-07 09:03:55

It's probably too late as you've probably already made the decision now, but for what it's worth, the last day of term is a day of nothing important and it wouldn't do any harm to miss it at all.

mytwopenceworth Fri 20-Jul-07 09:04:16

I would. No question. Although the last day (last week!) is a write off and they are just hanging around, if I let them stay off I am setting a dangerous precident (sp). Next it will be last day before Xmas, then Easter, then half terms, then 2 days before summer, then don't want to go on a Monday....

Best to not confuse them, imo.

Besides. It's my last day of quiet before 6 weeks of MU-UUU-UUUUUM

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