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i want to hit you mummy...driving me billy bonkers here....

(17 Posts)
suzycreamcheese Thu 19-Jul-07 19:52:39

ds 3.4 recently, past few weeks, says he wants to hit / kick /pull me and often follows through its not sore, just taps, light kicks etc...but i really dont know what to do to stop it

i take him to his room and ask him to think about it for few minutes..mum anddad dont hit you etc and have asked why?..and always get apology / hug /promise not to again etc ...

we had no terrible twos..is this it now?..
am so upset...dont know if this is just boundary pushing or picked up at pre-school or just to be expected?

About a month ago there were quite a few incidents of a kid pushing and hair pulling with him...i told him to steer clear of said child and that it was bad behaviour that no one likes etc.. and have tried to use this as an example of why its not good it seemed to get through yesterday but....back to square one it feels

we had great day today and then it all started at dinner...so it was early bed...and i feel like joining him!

anyone gone through similar?

WigWamBam Thu 19-Jul-07 20:00:30

I'd try ignoring him, unless he actually does kick or hit you.

When he says "I want to hit you", say "Oh yes?", as if it's the most boring thing you've ever heard. Then walk away - no attention, no conversation. At the moment he's guaranteed a reaction from you; take away that reaction and you may find that it's not interesting to him anymore.

It may not work, but ignoring these things is often pretty effective. If he hits you then of course you need to tell him that we don't hit, but again I would keep it pretty low-key. Don't make a fuss, don't lay it on thick; just a simple "No - we don't hit in this house", and walk away from him. Removing your attention may be more effective than reading him the riot act and asking him to think about what he's done at this age.

TheArmadillo Thu 19-Jul-07 20:02:41

I'd second wwb.

Ds (2.8) is beginning to come out of a phase of doing this, though only to me.

Ignoring seemed to be the only thing to stop it. As it wasn't in anger/fustration it seemed to be an attention thing. So I stopped giving him any attention for it.

suzycreamcheese Thu 19-Jul-07 21:07:25

wwb armadillo, thanks!

just been filling in dh on event of the day!

he does only seems to do it to me, SAHM, so maybe it is attention seeking...though he does get alot of positive attention and i do point out when he has behaved well in shops /cafes outside, how good he is at helping etc..

i was probably giving it too much attention but just didnt know where it came from i guess and anxious for it not to spread further i supppose...

dh and i read your advice guys and think it does make sense so thats the plan for tomorrow..

partly stresssed too as my folks are due and can see their faces / hear their comments already but thats my problem (they always have been iykwim..)

i handled it all wrong tonight and feel quite sick now...threatened to cancel his treasured bus ride tomorrow....bitchmama!

ah, big deep breath, tomorrow is another.. n'all that...thanks so much

southeastastra Thu 19-Jul-07 21:10:30

i've been through this, walking away does help or show him that it's really upsetting you.

they get to an age where they really have to suddenly let of steam, walking round the park helps. i read 'raising boys' and that put alot of things into perspective for me.

TheArmadillo Thu 19-Jul-07 21:17:36

I think alot of boys have problems with testosterone levels and adrenaline (maybe girls have similar I don't know).

Ds needs a lot of exercise and a lot of outdoor time.

PArents are always wonderful when they give advice (ime it's usually along the lines of 'I never let you do that'/'he never does it with me').

I've always found hitting difficult to deal with as you want them to know that it's not acceptable and also there's a part of you that wants everyone else around to know you think it's not acceptable.

FirenzeandZooey Thu 19-Jul-07 21:20:22

sympathies suzy

this thread might interest you

suzycreamcheese Thu 19-Jul-07 23:02:53

thanks guys
will read that thread in a mo, f&z ta

and i do think another trip to the library is in order, will check out the book SEA, ta

it never gets easier, just different, eh?!

Armadillo, i so agree, i often think ds is like a dog in that fresh air exercise daily is essential!


this just has thrown me completely and really helps to know am not alone, he's a lovely little kid normally but his testosterone levels have been high lately with anger and frustration our new playmates so maybe it was to be predicted..

muchos gracias, peeps x

southeastastra Thu 19-Jul-07 23:12:58

it does get easier

suzycreamcheese Thu 19-Jul-07 23:32:42

f&z thanks!
Help... it sure did!

ds says he wants to through me out the window normally! or i can 'toot off' (his phrase)

i think alot of what i read there makes sense and is a comfort, compliment really i suppose to think he is secure enough to release all of his feelings to me...

..fortunately in social situations it just doesnt happen ....yet..!

he does come out of the blue to tell me he loves me too..

its hard sometimes to remember how young they are..i felt such an uber bitchmama today

i dont feel so teary anymore and at least i can get some sleep tonight!

very grateful all, thanks

FirenzeandZooey Fri 20-Jul-07 09:18:42

LOL at "toot off"

DS says "oh you PUNKET! " or other choice and superb words

I would say the same I said to EBAB - I bet your son is behaving like this because he CAN, you are ALLOWING him to have difficult emotions and he is secure in your love

suzycreamcheese Fri 20-Jul-07 13:52:11

not been told to toot off or bib off today ..yet...

have been uber cool about it all today and now have sense of perspective which had vanished of late..

oh, the early night was a disaster...up at 3.40am for toilet duties and he never went back to sleep...crikey i'd so forgotten what torture sleep deprevation was...

just feel more in control now even with black eye rings and am truly grateful

TheArmadillo Fri 20-Jul-07 14:12:07

glad you're feeling a bit better today.

NOthing can test your patience like a pre-schooler.

suzycreamcheese Fri 20-Jul-07 19:21:07

armadillo..thanks!
hope you are right..though my parents will come a close second no doubt ..for 12 long days!..starting tomorrow..tik tok..

at the risk of sounding like sally field may i just say thanks to you all, really appreciated!

f&z..meant to say ...punket is fab and does get the aggression out...

also have thought that i should give mn a rest during the day as maybe thats why he wants my attention too.....

colander Fri 20-Jul-07 19:36:10

DD1 is a bit older, 4.5, but started saying the same. I said - mummy gets very upset when you say that, it would be nicer to say mummy I'd like to cuddle you. It worked with her - but at 4.5 you can reason with them more.

FirenzeandZooey Fri 20-Jul-07 19:36:59

punket is marvellous

when things get really tough he says "PUNKET CHUNKET"

bear this in mind while your parents are here

suzycreamcheese Fri 20-Jul-07 23:19:10

punket chunket...truly brilliant!...i will be chuntering that myself..

and is giving me a much needed chuckle right now!

they dont half know how to press the right buttons though these little people ...
'i want another grown up to look after me'..
'i dont like you but i love you'...
..left me feeling quite wretched and worthless...

was so upset i had to keep remembering what was really going on iykwim

ignoring / low key reaction to the 'want to hit / hurt you' does seem to have made it easier to deal with and am trying to get us both to focus on what the anger / frustration is about

fortunately we had good bedtime chat and cuddles kisses and i told him i would always love him and look after him ... a million times better than how i reacted yesterday when i didn't like myself much either

i cant say thanks again or i will be sally fields

ladies, you are saving my bacon
am tooting off now early bed and deep breathe maw and paw in town tomorrow...

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