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HELP ME STOP SHOUTING!!!

(12 Posts)
cleaninglady Wed 18-Jul-07 12:04:12

I am getting to end of tether with dd age 5 1/2 - not sure if she is tired at the end of reception year but any time with her and ds is a nightmare - i posted about siblings and their fighting so am trying to deal with that side of things but am worried about how much shouting goes on and I really dislike myself for doing it and dd is obviously intimidated by it which makes me feel even worse I just dont know what do as nothing i do works and i think its got to the point where its shout first and listen later so i need any tips/suggestions for stopping the shouting and whether i should just back off and not keep picking on everything that she does /doesnt do.

Furball Wed 18-Jul-07 13:04:10

try getting down to her level and get her attention, talk firmly and ask her whether she understands. If she dosn't listen or won't obey, there must be a consequence. Warn her of this then if she still won't listen, away from her playing and on the naughty step/corner etc, whatever you have. for 5 mins. She'll soon get the message.

rebelmum1 Wed 18-Jul-07 13:08:37

My shouting usually coincides with the milkman arriving, i think he's frightened of me. You have to leave the room instead of shout. I just put my dd at the otherside of a door for a minute or two while i calm down then speak reasonably

cleaninglady Wed 18-Jul-07 13:19:36

Do you think naughty step/time out would still work at her age? havent used it for a while so good suggestion! and leaving the room is a a good one - i will try that when i feel the rage coming lucky we have no neighbours some days!

rebelmum1 Wed 18-Jul-07 14:17:15

I was reading about the mothers rage it's quite something and we all experience it at some point. I'd try the naughty step but maybe not call it that and have a chair in the corner or something, be consistent. If I'm tired or run down, not had much time to myself I find I'm much more prone to shouting.

Tigana Wed 18-Jul-07 14:21:36

I shout too sometimes. When I do I rmind myself of my mum, and I don't want to be like er (in that respect anyway) as I really didn't like it as a cild as it was a bit unpredictable. Majority of time she would handle me being naughty/cheeky/stubborn etc calmly, with humour or suitably firm tone, then suddenly she'd snap at me. I do this. I think it is because I am tired and stressed and it is knackering being calm/good humoured/suitably firm over and over and over and over...

So, no advice but you're not alone!

witchandchips Wed 18-Jul-07 14:24:03

how naughty is she being? Can you just ignore stuff that is not serious so as not to make an issue out of it.

fortyplus Wed 18-Jul-07 14:26:12

Try to focus on correcting her only when she has deliberately done something wrong, rather than when she just isn't living up to your expectations.

cleaninglady Wed 18-Jul-07 19:59:08

Well I went out straight from school with her and ds and got back in time for a snack and tea and no issues at all so suspect a lot of the misbehaving is down to boredom at home but she needs to be able to entertain herself and not use her brother as something to pass the time with by tormenting him!
I am however going down the route of only pulling her up on the major stuff - she hit ds last night so that was a big no no - but the attitude and cheek im going to try and ignore - does that sound about right?
I know I definatley shout more when Im tired so super human effort to do nicey nicey through gritted teeth has helped this afternoon

reikizen Wed 18-Jul-07 20:03:06

I do a lot of SHOUTING just before my period. Horrible isn't it. Especially when I know better and know all the behaviour tricks and techniques. But sometimes I CAN'T HELP MYSELF!

Penpen Wed 18-Jul-07 21:45:34

I do a fair bit of shouting at my very challenging 4 1/2 year old son, I know how terrible and guilty I feel afterwards and think to my self "If I can't control my temper and I am an adult then how can I expect him to when he's only 4!" Sticker charts, working towards a treat (bowling this week) for 10 stickers seems to work well, he hates loosing stickers for bad behaviour and if he has a big tantrum for me removing a sticker I put him in his room for 4 mins (he will not stay on a naughty step)... it puts a door between us so I can gather my resources before trying to talk and reason with him. If he will not listen I go out agan and keep returning after a couple of minutes until he will listen and do as I ask (usually sit at the table for a meal!). Sometimes I remove a favourite toy instead of a sticker and make him earn more stickers before I give it back. It is hard work all the time but it does help to deal with bad behaviour without shouting!!! I find shouting just makes the behaviour worse and he tends to shout back!!! Horrid!

carocaro Wed 18-Jul-07 22:09:02

I think they are all just knackered at the end of reception year, ds aged 5 is v v v v v v v v grumpy after school, food, scooby doo and in the garden seem to help, I am try not to be too picky etc, just let things go, you can't win every battle and sometimes it's not with the hoo haa of shouting and arguing over the small stuff, we have 6 weeks ahead of us and I don't want it to be a constant battle, hunour I find works, I quite often dance like a loon to loud msuic when things are getting heated, it baffles him, or I go hide under the duvet and groan and he comes and finds me and I tickle him, to try and defuse and lighten the mood, we also have a deal or no deal thing, inspited by Noel Edmunds! eg: he says I want to do this and I say we can't do that but how about this (have ds2 aged 5 months so there is lots of jigging thier needs) and we say deal or no deal, and more often than not he says deal and we shake on it! And if he does not cooperate I say things like 'oh dear, we were going to have such a great time if only you'd waited till I'd done washing/tidying up/chores etc and this works too, sometimes - good luck, they do do your head in though don't they!

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