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Second Child(1 Post)
(Bare with me it’s a long long post)
So I’ll try and cut it down. I have two children 3 and 1. My first child changed my life for the absolute better and I absolutely loved becoming a mum more than I ever knew, and really felt Mumlife brought out the absolute best in me. (First born was a girl)
My second child, well let’s just say it was a whole different world of parenting for me. (I never had it let’s say easy with my first, she only took breastfmilk as a source of hydration until she was 2. Never left my side. Fussy eater etc but amazing all the same) But my second child (who is a boy) well I’m not sure, I feel like he might of had a rough start maybe.
We lived abroad where I gave birth to him so I had to take care of two children under 2 without family help. Which was surprisingly fine but I do feel he missed out on a lot one to one time with me. I am a very relaxed parent, but in order for things to work at home I had to be a bit more regiment with him when it came to naps, bf etc. I still had a 2yo at home needing attention to. When he was 5 months old we moved back home which was very stressful time and very busy and a sad time because I wanted to stay but my husbands contract came to an end. After 4 months of being home and living in two different temporary houses until we found a house. My eldest got very unwell and after a lot of heartache and time in hospital where she was misdiagnosed and left untreated she now faces potential brain damage.(Whicj haunts me) She had Encephalitis which took a while to reconize by a lot of pediatricians and consultants. After 6 months of worry she has now been diagnosed with a rare neurological disease which affects her mood and behaviors. She is 3 and can almost get depressed and now suffers with severe OCD and roller coaster mood swings which she was never like before she got unwell. It’s all the condition and she is classed as disabled. In amongst all this I obviously still have my gorgeous son who had to be cared for a lot by family he’d never really met before and spent the other days in hospital with his sister which led to me finishing BF at 9 months due to all the stress. (A lot sooner than I would of liked to BF for)
We are all in an permanent house now and adapting to my daughters condition.
But the point of all this is now is he is a VERY angry child. He consumes a lot of my time and my daughter who’s learning to deal with her life with this condition is kind of being left to it. (Well obviously I’m with them both 100% of the time but often or not I am dealing with my 1yo tantrums over anything. Continuessly stopping him cause harm to himself) He is very difficult to soothe, he is often not wanting to be cuddled or held or consoled etc) It’s basically causing a lot of stress and upset in everyday life. The activities my daughter loves to do and keeps her mind occupied from the feelings she gets are virtually impossible with him because he has tantrums most places we go and ends up having to leave the situation because it gets to much.
It’s a constant battle in my head whether I could of done more for him as a Mum through all of the Upset. Which I feel I did but physically not as much as I wanted to do. Any time spent with him trying to spend one to one time he continuously gets down off my lap. Slaps books out my hands etc. He has been an awful sleeper and is now getting slightly more affectionate because he finally likes to co-sleep which I’m happy to do.
My point is, I constantly feel guilty on them both. I feel like I let them both down because I feel they my daughter wants me a 100% and my son has to have me 100% for his safety. (It doesn’t feel like he wants me around)
I’m going out of my mind here and feel like I have little connection with him and it basically makes me feel like crap and constantly guilty but equally he is impossible which I’m not going to lie makes me miserable and a little resentful which I absolutely hate feeling like.
Ive tried putting him nursery whilst I care for my daughter but he hated it and it felt wrong because I never sent my daughter so that only lasted a short period of time. I’ve tried spending just mummy and me time whenever I can get care for daughter which is difficult because her condition can flare up and me and her dad are the only ones who can console her.
It’s a whirlwind of constant emotions of not feeling good enough for the both of them. I’m utterly in love with my daughter, she is very special little girl despite of her condition. But my son I’m just not feeling it as deeply with him which makes me feel crap and I’ve hit a brick wall with parenting which I used to love but now feel a little bit of mourning of the parenting style I used to have. The constant love and playfulness works for my daughter but not my son. It’s constant anger with him.
So sorry for the long post.
By the way my husband is a great help but even that isn’t enough, he works abroad a lot but is very busy with his job and he suffers with Bipolar which you can imagine can be very challenging to say the least. Please no judgemental replies, I’m trying my hardest here I love being a Mum and I want to feel the connection I have with my daughter as well as my son.
Any useful advice would be amazing! I’ve lost my way with parenting through a lot of stress and despair and I want to get back to the relaxed happy Mum I used to be not the stressed one I’ve become. I know it’s all circumstantial but how do I find my way back?
Thanks for taking the time to read this.