Long but at my wits end with my kids and don’t know where to go from here. Please help.

[ohyesohyessyyesyes]

I will try to explain...

The younger one laughs when I am telling him off. His teacher called me in last week to tell me he does the same in school. He’s 7.

What’s more, he just doesn’t react sometimes when I ask him to do something (clean teeth, get dressed, go to bed etc). It’s hard to keep calm when I’m on the 30th time of asking. His teacher said the same.

His brother (10) has improved of late but is approaching puberty which may or may not be a reason behind some awful outbursts of rudeness, for which he usually apologizes and realizes/regrets what he’s done afterwards. Is this normal for a kid of this age?

It’s wearing me down. I feel that everything is a confrontation at the moment. They both complain about every club they go to; every time I ask them to read, play outside, take the rubbish out, clear the table etc. and often cause a huge confrontation out of it.

Both their teachers say the don’t really care about their school work; the older one is more or less on the right path (however underperforming) but the younger one’s schoolwork is dreadful.

Last week, I was told that the younger one has started bullying a child in his class. Im gutted that he would do such a thing.

Twice in the past few weeks, parents of friends of the older one have been in touch to tell me my son has been awful to their kids. We’ve sorted it but I’m so disappointed in him that it’s reached this stage.

This morning, I asked the older to pop to the shop (5 mins away) to pick up something for his friend (who stayed the night) for breakfast as he did not like the pancakes I was preparing. The torrent of abuse I received from him as he refused to do it was shocking. And this was right on the back of the younger one simply refusing to go to bed last night for ages until I got really cross and took away screens until further notice.

This morning, I phoned their father and told him to pick them up. He came and I sent them off with him. I just couldn’t handle it anymore. I told the kids they are welcome back in my house anytime; my door is always open for them as long as they show respect and follow the (fair) things I ask of them.

I do not know what to do anymore. I love my kids dearly but they are being horrible to me, their friends and in general. They are so disrespectful. We used to have a great relationship. I do not know what’s gone wrong.

They do not spend long on screens; we spend plenty of time together; I am generally quite min-confrontational and prefer positive reinforcement. I feel like a complete failure.

[kittymamma]

I am absolutely no help because I logged on to write a post pretty similar. Am sat here crying as I think this parenting shit is just too hard.

My daughter (who just turned 8) has turned into a nightmare too. I have spoke to the school for help and they have referred me for parenting help. The Early Help Hub offered me parenting classes at times I couldn't do because of my job or for someone to come to us at a time I couldn't do either. I am now looking at parenting courses privately and am looking to start those at the end of April. They are going to cost me about £125 though. They better offer more than general positive reinforcement or other basic behaviour management techniques because at the moment I don't even want to come home.

Perhaps you could seek help at the school? I had to go through the woman in charge of safeguarding at the school as I had mentioned to her teachers for the last 2 years that she was very challenging at home. Although, my daughter is generally ok at school, she saves her nastiness for me!