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Lies and unkind behaviour(5 Posts)
Hi, please could you give me some advice.
My daughter is in year 7 has had this specific school friend, I’ll call her Libby since year 4 and they both moved into the same class at secondary school together. Libby has always liked to embellish the truth, we think for attention which my daugter finds quite annoying such as she is an expert at playing the violin (she’s had 3 lessons!), she went to the Live aid concert in 1985 (she’s 12!) and lies to cover herself such as she didn’t steal her mums phone and call her school friend at 11pm (the evidence was on the phone!). Libby also gets incredibly jealous if my daughter is with anyone else. The problem is Libby’s parents don’t see the embellishment and lies as a serious issue and don’t punish her at all, it is happening so much that my daughter is finding it hard to keep being friends with her.
To add to things my daughter has become very good friends with another girl in her class (Sam), they are very similar and have become best friends. To be fair to them they try to include Libby in things, we did play dates with 3 of them. But Libby will always dull and walk off in a huff. Libby keeps pulling my daughter to one side for ‘private chats’, my daughter says she feels sorry for Libby so feels she has to go. Libby will also lie to get Sam into trouble or say unkind things to other girls about her. It has got to the point where Sams mum said Libby is making Sams life awful and has told me that my daughter can’t be with Sam if Libby is there. And has told Sam to find another friend, my daughter is obviously upset about this. Libby’s mum can’t see what the problem is and wants all of them to get on, say sorry and they can all play together. She thinks her child does nothing wrong. Problem is this isn’t working!
I am very good friends with both Libby and Sams mum which isn’t making this easy. I have asked to meet with the two of them next week so we can work something out.
My child is by no means perfect and knows I have boundaries and consequences for lying, she also knows how hurtful name calling is and as far as I know she doesn’t do it (I have verified the stories and name calling and aside from one or two instances Libby is the culprit)
How do we resolve this? I don’t know if the meeting is a good idea but I have to do something, my daughter is miserable.
I've not got time do do a full reply, I'll try to come back later OP but have a look at untangled.
If your dd doesn't enjoy her time with Libby then I would stop inviting her to play. Tell your dd to spend time with the people she enjoys time with and just stop engaging with her. It would be ridiculous for her to loose her lovely best friend for the sake of a liar.
Totally agree with Mum. Your DD does not have to spend any time with Libby, I definitely wouldn't be arranging or suggesting play dates. I'd encourage her to be nice and kind but to only spend time with people who are nice and kind themselves and make her feel good.
If Libby wants to take her one side, she could just say something like "sorry Libby, I'm a bit busy right now, can we chat another time?" and then walk away.
She's not obligated in anyway to Libby and shouldn't feel like she is
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