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calling mums with boys...how do I butch mine up?

(40 Posts)
Megglevache Fri 06-Jul-07 19:16:48

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NotQuiteCockney Fri 06-Jul-07 19:23:26

Oh, just leave him be himself!

If there are kids in his class that he gets on with, encourage those friendships, but as for the rest ... if he wants judo, maybe let him do that, but boxing is trying too hard.

How old is he?

Megglevache Fri 06-Jul-07 19:26:17

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krabbiepatty Fri 06-Jul-07 19:27:45

Oh gosh, 3, my nephew was wearing tutus and carrying a handbag. Let him be and don't worry too much.

NotQuiteCockney Fri 06-Jul-07 19:29:22

I'd really let him be! I thought he was older!

Is DD older, and he's copying her? He'll butch up in time. But at three, they're not that gender-focussed anyway, are they? I remember DS1 (who is quite butch) was playing with girls and boys more equally then. Now, at five, almost all his friends are boys.

FioFio Fri 06-Jul-07 19:30:27

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Bibis Fri 06-Jul-07 19:30:27

Leave him alone, he is 3 for goodness sake, let him dress up in tutus every day if he wants, it wont make him gay or anything.

My three year old loves the colour pink, I'm not worried and I think that at 3 I am amazed that his peers have strong opinions, non of my ds's peers mind.

aloha Fri 06-Jul-07 19:30:48

Blimey, they've started young.
If he is upset to be excluded then look at what the other boys wear and buy some similar clothes for your ds and yes, you could buy him the odd action figure if he is remotely interested. I took ds (5) to a party recently and realised I had to buy him some funkier jeans instead of keeping him in gap shorts all the time.
I don't think any activity will change his nature though, and I think the idea that you can make a three year old butch with judo is rather silly tbh - suspect your dh is panicking a bit!

aloha Fri 06-Jul-07 19:32:37

I only say this IF he is upset by the exclusion (and I am amazed that three year olds would behave like this too) - sometimes children (usually older though) don't know why their peers don't accept them and need guidance from us. Ds has aspergers so that is very much in my mind.

Megglevache Fri 06-Jul-07 19:33:25

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aloha Fri 06-Jul-07 19:35:11

Can you invite girls to play? Ds has always got on well with girls, especially bossy girls. And then suss out some more gentle boys as well. They do exist!

Megglevache Fri 06-Jul-07 19:35:43

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Quattrocento Fri 06-Jul-07 19:37:26

You have a lovely boy and you want a roughneck?

Each to their own, I suppose.

FioFio Fri 06-Jul-07 19:37:34

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Megglevache Fri 06-Jul-07 19:39:20

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kate100 Fri 06-Jul-07 19:41:37

This sounds just like my ds who's also 3, he loves playing with girls as they're much gentler than the boys. He doesn't get bashed about though, but I wouldn't 'toughen' him up, my little boys lovely

So no more Gap shorts in a year and a bit, but he looks so lovely in them

kate100 Fri 06-Jul-07 19:43:38

My Ds is also very clumsy are we talking about the same child. The boys ds knows don't treat him any differently, it's more the other way around, he tries to get them to calm down and slow down a bit

Marina Fri 06-Jul-07 19:44:08

Meggle, trust me, this all comes out in the wash. Children who are gentler than average at nursery do soon learn the interpersonal skills, or the coping strategies, to get by at school and in group settings.
I speak from experience. Mine was a right little Fotherington-Thomas at three and adorable with it.
OK, at eight, so he is still more of a Mr Puniverse in terms of team sports - but good at tennis and in demand as a fielder for cricket - and not one of these Harry Potter-tearing, gurl-despising little hulks, but he has good friends of both sexes and is, as the French say, bien dans sa peau.

aloha Fri 06-Jul-07 19:45:26

You can work on personal space when he's a bit older. I have done work with my ds on that. Ds needs quite a lot of social skills training, but he does have friends - boys and girls. he definitely isn't part of the boy gang, and I do think if your child is being picked on you I honestly think are not doing your job if you don't try to help them to fit in more as well as finding them compatible companions.
I think there is no harm at all in a little boy having mostly female friends. Or a big bloke either, come to that!

Quattrocento Fri 06-Jul-07 19:46:20

They develop a dual personality in time. My DS is the sweetest thing alive at home. He is only 7 and went downstairs to feed the cats and came back with a cup of tea for me! But with his chums he is a boisterous sporty horror ...

Megglevache Fri 06-Jul-07 19:48:55

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yesmynameisigglepiggle Fri 06-Jul-07 20:16:15

Aw bless him, he sounds lovely

snowleopard Fri 06-Jul-07 20:53:08

OK, planning big boy bed tomorrow - can anyone talk me through it?

snowleopard Fri 06-Jul-07 20:54:03

Arse! sorry, posting in totally the wrong box! Look out for that as a thread heading shortly...

(Your boy sounds fab btw...)

Elasticwoman Fri 06-Jul-07 21:31:54

I remember my ds running in to show us he was sporting his sister's pink tutu at age 3.
"Very nice, lad" said dh gravely. Ds is now more into football and getting as muddy as possible at age 7.

Sounds like you are more worried about how he gets on with his peers. I just wonder whether he isn't too young to worry about that. Some children just aren't ready to be sociable at that age. Does he spend a lot of time in a group of other boys? He might prefer just to be in the company of one or two at a time.

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