would you tell a family member if their child had been accused of bullying?

[wannaBe]

This morning a friend of mine told me that her ds is apparently being bullied by another boy at the preschool. Her ds is good friends with my ds and therefore we chat quite a lot. Obviously I am sympathetic to this, but the thing is, the boy who is apparently bullying her ds is my cousin?s child.

This little boy has been through quite a lot, my cousin and his partner split about a year ago, and within a couple of weeks she had started seeing someone else and apparently felt no need to wait to introduce him to her ds, as within weeks of the split, he had told my aunt that he?d been frightened of the thunder and had had to ?get into bed with mummy and xxx?.

My cousin?s ex was very blasay about the split, and said that her ds wasn?t upset by it at all and never even asked why they?d moved into a different house, and became very defensive if anyone suggested that any changes to his behaviour were as a result of her and his dad splitting. She also told me within weeks of splitting with my cousin that her ds had said he wanted her and her new partner to get married and have a baby together. She and the new partner split at Christmas so as far as I?m aware she is now on her own, but I don?t really see her now as she is working and someone else drops off her ds.

I?m not that close to my cousin but I do see him once a week when he drops off/picks up his ds from preschool.

Thing is, I?m not sure whether the preschool will bring up the fact that this other mum has made this alagation, and even if they do, I?m not sure his ex will tell him about it.

So do I tell him? And if so how does one go about it? Or should I stay out of it?

[wannaBe]

?.

[CarGirl]

I really don't know, perhaps you are better asking your cousin about how he thinks his son is emotionally etc? Invite them around on a playdate etc

[NurseyClaire]

I'd say this is one for the preschool to handle. Can your friend ask what the preschool are doing? Whether they have spoken to your cousin's ex about the behaviour? They probably won't discuss any reaction on the part of your cousin's ex out of confidentiality, but knowing it's been raised with the perpetrator's Mum might help reassure your friend.

As for your cousin needing to know, ask him if hes noticed anything changing in his ds's behaviour, and you could ask him if he thinks ds enjoys school and playing with other kids. It's not a reflection on the lad because it's often said bullies are miserable themselves, too, so it's just ds's way of dealing with emotions he doesn't understand. You don't need to out and out say "he's been doing this, this and this to someone else's child" but if his ex hasn't taken these changes seriously as possibly upsetting disruptions to his home life then your cousin might want to have a word with her.

But if you're not that close to your cousin, and your friend doesn't hold you in any way responsible just because you're related, it might be better if you just get on with it TBH and let the preschool deal with it, hopefully they have some kind of policy about bullying and can try and sort it out without it affecting your relationship with your friend OR your cousin.