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Disagreement between friends

(7 Posts)
ridinglilli Sun 10-Feb-19 23:52:30

Advice needed please. How do I take this & how do we move on? My 9 year old has been at her school since partway through year 3 and has what seems to be a close friendship with a group of 3 other girls. They all love playing on the computer (Roblox, Gacha studio, TikTok) and talk to each other on WhatsApp most of the time that they are at home. One of the girls seems to have fallen out with my daughter, for reasons unknown to my daughter and has started to send nasty messages to her. When asked why the girl couldn't or wouldn't explain, so my husband has approached the parents as we felt that they should be aware of the messages and we have always felt that they are decent people. They have obviously spoke to their daughter, who promptly put a video on TikTok saying that my daughter was "a b...h" so my husband reapproached the parents and all agreed that best to meet to discuss. Husband met with parents and the girl. Parents horrified with girl's actions and have punished her by removing devices and giving her a ban on games, but at the same time have accused my daughter of teaching their daughter swear words & have suggested that another friend's parent has said similar (although no one has said anything to us up to this point) My husband came home from the meeting and we grilled her about the swearing. She maintains that she hasn't at all and doesn't use swear words at school (she doesn't like people using them and tells us off when we do) Husband texted the girl's mother back to tell her that we had spoken to daughter about this and another couple of points that had been raised and that likewise had limited device time and wanted to draw a line under everything only to get message back saying we obviously have made our minds up that it is all their daughter's fault, but they accept all her explanations and for us to leave them alone.
For the record we are very aware that our daughter is not perfect and made sure that we knew all the facts before approaching the parents.
Sorry for a long & rambling post ... I just don't know what to do or think right now. xx

JiltedJohnsJulie Mon 11-Feb-19 07:56:43

Personally, I would never, ever approach the parents, it never seems to end well as you've discovered.

I'd also delete WhatsApp. The age for it is 16 and whilst my children have had it before then, 9 does seem a bit young.

goldengummybear Mon 11-Feb-19 11:14:40

Delete WhatsApp. You know that TikTok (used to be called is famous for paedos right? Roblox can be played without the ability to message.

goldengummybear Mon 11-Feb-19 11:18:31

With regards to the paedo comment I mean famous for it being a major hangout for paedophiles looking for kids. Lots of instances of children being contacted. My secondary school kids told me that if they knew younger kids on it they'd tell them to avoid it big time. Any viral TikTok video is quickly posted elsewhere so you won't miss out on that,

lovely36 Mon 11-Feb-19 12:34:19

Something my mom always said to me was to never get parents involved in children's drama. Rather speak to your children on how to handle things with class and dignity. Children will end up talking again and the relationship with the parents will stay awkward hopefully not. They will fight and make up it's what they do but it's best to stay out of it. I know it's hurts because it's your child and you don't like to see her upset. Let her handle her own problems rather than you trying to do it for her. It's life and it's going to happen a lot. You're not going to be there every time trying to speak to each parent. She needs to learn how to handle things like this on her own. Idk i guess that's how I see?

JiltedJohnsJulie Mon 11-Feb-19 12:38:04

I didn’t know that is now TikTok so thanks for that golden. Always good to now which ones to avoid 🙂

ridinglilli Mon 11-Feb-19 19:12:48

TikTok now deleted. Daughter understands why and has not argued. Girl blocked from all daughter's online games etc also. Girl's mother has now gone to school with concerns about my daughter, which somehow suddenly came to light when dh approached them about bullying. The truth will out though. A cautionary tale.

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