genuine question, for those dealing with high functioning children on any spectrum?? who have aggressive meltdowns, my ds 7yrs had one today whilst walking home, aswell as the obvious I am so deeply ashamed, all that goes round in my head is how many people saw, any ppl i knew? how judgmental were they? the shame etc because he is so HF presenting it preoccupied me that ppl will just see violent child,useless mum and i can never get passed it.
My DS is all grown up now.... but if I walked past I would just think "been there, done that"
The thing that helped me most was talking to other parents going through the same things. I met them at ASC parent support groups and when I took DS to therapy groups. These days there are other parents on the MumsNet Special Needs boards too. And knowing that we were all handling situations that most parents never even have to think about with their own kids. You are the expert on your DS's condition and if you don't always know what to do then those random judgy parents don't know any better either. We are the Extreme Parents! You can be proud of what you are doing for your DS
The explosive child by Ross green really helped me. It starts off from the position that all children want to be good and be loved and when they aren't behaving it is only because they are not able to. Made me feel lots less guilty and lots less cross.
thanks for the replies, yes ross green is good. I do know his triggers , but are sometimes unavoidable, like today he went zooming on his scooter front end crept into the road i grabbed it he refused to come back and started biting me
Just to pick up on the title of your post - how do you handle the shame? I want to say that I never judge someone whose child is having a meltdown and don't know anyone else who does (although I am sure that people do) so please don't feel that everyone is judging you for his behaviour.
Could I ask the OP and anyone else whose child has meltdowns - in an ideal world what could someone do to help? Does it help if someone speaks to you and offers help or if someone just makes eye contact?