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Tell me how you would deal with this please...

(11 Posts)
binkleandflip Mon 02-Jul-07 14:58:24

....my dd reception teacher took me to one side last week to tell me that my dd's name had been mentioned, along with other, as pinching and kicking another child in her class. She said she wanted to make we aware in case I anything was said in the playground. She then added that neither she,nor her classroom assistant, nor the dinner ladies had ever witnessed this behaviour from my daughter and that she thought of her as simply a nice little girl.

I dont want my daughter to be the cause of upset for another child and feel I want to discuss this with the other parent. However, if no-one has seen my dd doing anything wrong, how am I supposed to a/ believe the worst about her and b/ discipline her on the word of another child?

How do I handle this?

binkleandflip Mon 02-Jul-07 15:03:19

bump

thirtysomething Mon 02-Jul-07 15:07:57

Can you speak to the teacher or dinner lady who witnessed it to get your facts straight? You could ask dd in a roundabout way if everyone plays nicely, does anyone ever hit or bite etc. without mentioning she may or may not have been doing it herself, and see how she reacts? I have a dd aged 6 and she is always racked with guilt if she's done anything nasty to a friend - she will usually say a different girl did something, then when I say it's not nice etc. she usually ends up confessing she did it as well because x y or z told her to! We discuss the incident, I explain why it's nasty and how the other child must feel, she promises not to do it again, we have a big cuddle and usually that's the end of it for a few months. the chances are your dd is either feeling left out and wanting other children to notice her or she isn't doing any of this, it's just other kids trying to get her into trouble!

binkleandflip Mon 02-Jul-07 15:08:18

someone please answer my post, am desperate!!

Mumpbump Mon 02-Jul-07 15:08:59

Why not ask your dd about it first? She might own up to it or deny it. If she denies it, I think you need to take her word on it. If you hear the same again, you might need to challenge her a bit more.

None of us like the idea of our child causing another child distress, but I wouldn't approach the other parent without talking to your daughter because that assumes that what has been said is true, gives no opportunity to your dd to defend herself and it might cause a whole load of problems. If the other mother approaches you, that's another question.

binkleandflip Mon 02-Jul-07 15:11:51

thirtysomething - nobody wtinessed it - that's what the teacher said, hence my problem. I've asked dd in a roundabout way if there is any fall outs at school - she says no and has also mentioned this little girls name when talking about who she likes etc. so its hard to know what to say. The teacher did say that she had informed the other parent that she had seen nothing to suggest Lara was involved but I dont know, I feel like I need to have it out in the open

flamingtoaster Mon 02-Jul-07 15:12:08

I would simply say that I had heard that some children in the playground were hitting and kicking and had anyone done it to her - leading on to a discussion of how this was a horrible thing to do, etc. If your daughter is seen as a nice child by the teachers then if she has done it it may well have been in self-defence - and asking has she been OK is an easy way to get her to talk about what is happening in the playground. Hope you can get to the bottom of it.

binkleandflip Mon 02-Jul-07 16:03:16

I have texted the girls mum and said I'd like to discuss and she has texted back and agreed. Should I suggest we discuss just us two or with the teacher also?

flack Mon 02-Jul-07 16:12:00

Haven't read the whole thread, so this is a raw reaction:

I would pull my DD aside and ask if she had been unkind to anybody. And then slowly build up to elaborating, have you ever pushed, hit, kicked or pinched anybody? "that would be horrible?," wouldn't it. And then ask if she had seen anybody else doing these wrong things and talk together about why they're not the right way to solve arguments. What the right way is to resolve disputes.

Not sure what else could be done, assuming she doesn't admit to it.

Will read other answers, next!

flack Mon 02-Jul-07 16:13:06

oh right, if you're going to meet the other mum def. include the teacher if poss in the meeting. Less likely to be any blaming, more likely to get a constructive outcome then.

binkleandflip Mon 02-Jul-07 16:18:26

That's what I was thinking. It's just a bit upsetting to think I even have to orchestrate the meeting with the other mum to be honest. If the teacher had said "we have seen dd doing this" then I could accept it and deal with it appropriately but because they haven't at all it's hard to take it up in a way. I do speak to this mum in the playground so in some ways I wish she had spoken directly to me although I also see that speaking to the teacher was probably the right way to go.

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