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Shouldn't a 10 year old boy have grown out of these behaviours by now?..

(8 Posts)
BikeRunSki Sun 13-Jan-19 20:09:55

He's 10 - eldest child in Y5, in a school that only goes to Y5 (we still have Middle School) so eldest child in school. Eldest child in family (1 younger sister)

- Using baby voice to get attention
- Denying doing something that he obviously did
- Hiding behind sofas to surprise you (he is very creepy with this, he doesn't just jump out in a "ta da" kind of way, but he'll be there for ages then look up when I have been in the room for 5 or 10 mins and just say "hello")
- Running around the house screaming and laughing, really high energy but has no interest in doing any actual real exercise (although he is a very good mountain biker once he gets out, and swims every week).
- Not at all interested in playing or following team sports
- Does not stay in bed at all. Goes to bed 8pm ish, will crash around until 10-11 pm, no amount of discussion/persuassion/bribery/leaving him to suffer the consequence of being exhausted the next day will keep him in bed
- Very reluctant to do anything much suggested to him really, which involves any form of physical effort or mental application
- No idea about the passage of time, that 5 mins is how long he needs to do x, 30 mins is the length of y etc.
- Completely disorganised. Lost £1 coin this morning in the space of a few mins, doesn't care. Can never find stuff he needs routinely, but not every day - cricket bat, Cub necker etc.
- Flies into a temper when things don't go his way or as expected (actually he is getting much better with this).
- Very unadventurous eater
- "Lives" in fantasy worlds - Greek myths, Harry Potter, Minecraft, worlds he's made up.
- He will pretend to be a dog and demand to be taken for walks (Around the house), he'll be a monkey as an excuse for messing about, jumping on furniture etc then easy he is using his imagination

When his interest is piqued, he will apply himself, albeit not always with great enthusiasm - guitar, drama, Cubs and cricket seem to hold his interest, although he is not that good a cricket so rarely gets picked for matches (he refuses to practice outside training sessions, despite DH and FIL both playing at a high amateur standard in the past). He doesn't get that if he practiced, then he'd improve.... although thus penny has dropped with guitar.

He just seems a great deal less mature than his peers and younger sister ( I am a Cub leader, I do have experience of quite a lot of boys his age). Academically he is fine, probably around the top side of middling

When he was at nursery, his lowest score on milestone assessment was always emotional development for his age, he was always in the lowest box (don't forget he is the eldest in his academic cohort, his birthday is very early Sept). Sometimes I think that he still behaves like he is 4!

Somehow I can's see him navigating his way practically and emotionally through middle school in 9 months time.

BeeMyBaby Mon 14-Jan-19 12:47:30

How old is his sister? I know my DD1 (9 next month) is much less mature than her peers as she has younger siblings and plays down to their level, also therefore watches to mostly aimed at much younger children.
I don't think there is anything wrong with enjoying Greek myths etc (I did at the end of p6), and plenty of boys enjoy a fantasy life through books and games, and also plenty of children are lazy and need motivation to exercise.

AladdinMum Mon 14-Jan-19 13:23:45

Do you remember his early development from 0-2 years old? did he develop typically meeting the usual milestones? crawling by 10 months, walking by 13 months, pointing to share interests by 18 months, some words by 2 years old - etc?

BikeRunSki Mon 14-Jan-19 14:19:18

His sister is 7 BeeMyBaby, but very intelligent and tall. Grown up fur her age, and often mistaken for being much older due to her height and maturity (not too old to cry when she died t get her own way though!). I think he feels threatened by her.

Yes AlladinMum no problem with usual milestones. He walked at 12 months3 weeks, a few words at 2 yr check, loads by 2y 4 m wgeb he told his nursery nurse that I was having a baby in quite some detail, even though we hadn’t told him yet!

I get that lots of children like fantasy/myth etc, goodness knows this is a popular genre for all ages. But he “lives” as Hermes for whole days without coming out of character. (He has no urge to run a marathon though!).

Lara53 Mon 14-Jan-19 15:59:07

Sounds like he may have adhd - my dn age 10 very similar

slappinthebass Thu 17-Jan-19 12:10:57

You honestly could have been writing a description of my 11 year old daughter last year (majority of it still applies now... but the outbursts when things don't go as expected are now much worse, as is the lying, she has improved at school though). Even down to the interests, myths and Pokemon here. The pretending to be a dog/cat was an infuriating phase. She did it for about 90% of the time from age 3-8. She still likes to dress up as characters a lot now. The hiding when you left the room was an obsession that drove me insane. She did that from age 2-10. I actually hadn't realised it had stopped until reading your post. She'd even do it when out for a walk, running ahead to hide behind trees and jump out, I'd beg her to stop as 20 times a day for years is infuriating. It's a craving for a reaction from you I suppose, even though it's never a surprise.

I can't tell you if it's normal. My daughter is under assessment for ASD and ADHD. I feel she has the latter but I'm unsure on the former. Paediatrician thinks it's the former but not sure on the latter. I think school would say she is fine, but socially and emotionally immature. Friends and family can't see a problem, you have to live with it to pick up on it. I've been constantly questioning if she is neurotypical or not for years, it's quite maddening.

slappinthebass Thu 17-Jan-19 12:18:08

I was sent on an ADHD parenting course run by the ADHD foundation as part of the ongoing diagnostic process. One thing they said that is very true in my opinion, is most children with ADHD act up to 20% younger than their real age. So if you consider your son to be 8 rather than 10 a lot of that behaviour is more acceptable. My daughter takes Pokemon cards and little animal toys in her pockets in to high school regularly (but when she is talking with friends about music/characters/manga etc seems a lot older). She is totally at an emotional level I'd expect a 9 year old to be in a lot of ways.

WombOfOnesOwn Fri 18-Jan-19 18:10:48

Sounds like me at 10, and I'd skipped several grades so was immature in a class of older children. It was not always easy to make friends.

I ended up with a diagnosis of NVLD, but your mileage may vary.

After a tumultuous time in my teen years, I ended up doing ok for myself and have found a high-paying job that lets me cope with my forgetfulness and talent for losing things.

Mostly, my advice is this: try to help him improve at his difficult areas, but don't expect him to become a master of them. Simultaneously pursue skills in areas with deficits, and ways to not lean on those deficits as often.

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